eating disorder. - Thursday, April 30, 2009
Pretty much everyone whom I trust enough already knows that I have one, but that's not why I'm writing some random blog entry and giving it the title "eating disorder".
I'll just write about this really quickly - and I basically will sum it up into one statement: READ "LIFE WITHOUT ED" NOW. There's the statement, now a quick
explanation. "Life without ED" was written by Jenni
Schaeffer & her therapist Thom Rutledge. It explains Jenni's road to recovery from her eating disorder that she named ED. She treated her eating disorder like an abusive relationship instead of "a condition". I've read bits & parts of it, and I can absolutely relate to what she talks about in the book. Then, there are the tips & exercises that are suppose to help improve your condition/help your recovery.
Anyone who does have an eating disorder - i definitely recommend the book (even though I have not finished reading it) & if you ever have wondered what is going on in the minds of people with eating disorders, i definitely recommend it as well. That's all there is to say for now.
-xoxo, joannaseow
i don't have to try - Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK I'M INSANE.
my diet's back on, my starving is back, my puking is back,
and i don't give a shit what you have to say, or what you'll do about it.
I WANT THE FAT GONE-& I WANT IT GONE NOW.
blame it on the alcohol -
"mr photographer, i think i'm ready for my close-up
tonight, make sure you get me from my good side ;)"
bahha this song is STUCK in my head
Today was actually a good day! :) I got to sleep in a little later as I had been planning not to put on too much makeup - I was already off to a good start! Social studies was pretty alright, nothing great but nothing bad either. Mandarin class, we flew kites - I honestly was confused, so I just stood to one side, talked to people & started texting like mad! :) Lunch was with Keireen, Carly, and Nina. Science pretty much went by really quick! GYM; i aced the fitness test in pushups (59 in a minute!) & i got first in running ;) HELL YES. I beat Reza, but then again, it was pretty much like - whoever got there first just started running (& I'm pretty sure he started later so...). After that, I went to the mall with Crystal to get eyedrops...and I KNOW, I SAID I WOLD STOP BUYING STUFF, but i just couldn't resist that cute top from garage! Oh well, I'm home now! :) 90210 tonight-lovelovelove.
& YESTERDAY, CANDACE & I WERE LIKE OBSESSING OVER ZAC EFRON. well...more candace - she was like, "THAT'S THE FIRST CAUCASIAN GUY I HAVE EVER FALLEN FOR!" and I was like...um Zac Efron?..there are hotter ones! BUT SHE DIDN'T AGREE..EXCEPT WHEN IT CAME TO CHACE CRAWFORD! (anyway, I sound like an absolute loser! ha...ha...ha)
-xoxo, joannaseow
- Tuesday, April 28, 2009
revenge is sweeter than you ever were.
i don't have to try, to make you realize -
The sun is shining, amazing blue skies,
mmm...it's deffs spring.
So, today was a pretty average day; hmm, let's see - i got a caramel frap with no whip in the morning, and IT WAS SO GOOD (Elizabeth recommended it!). We had socials, and I MUST SAY - shilp, nick, michal & aaron's newspaper - AMAZING. IT LOOKED LIKE A REAL ONE! Their gonna get 100%, FOR SURE. Let's hope i get 100% on my poster! :( Mandarin, was nothing great - it actually wasn't boring though! :) During lunch, Keireen & I went off to the mall to get me new mascara! I GOT THE LANCOME HYPNOSE, and IT IS AMAZING! If you don't have it, GO BUY IT...NOWWWWW! (I'll upload pics of what it's like on my lashes, it's just a drastic diff, I SWEAR, ILOVEIT!) Science was blehh, GYM? I Came in 2nd, right behind reza! but he's a guy, and one of the fastest guys i know, therefore...i think it's an accomplishment - i beat every other guy & girl in the class ;) BUUUT - i felt sick after! I came home, and just finished writing that mandarin script shit for the conversation tmrw. Okies, THE HILLS SOON! BYE, FOR NOW!
this mascara? is absolute love. to die for? i'm sure.
-xoxo, joannaseow
obsession with perfection. - Monday, April 27, 2009
i've found that when i'm mad at someone, i don't find that i snap too often.
i hold it in and take it out on myself, i find ways to reason out
the fact that their ... not to blame?
when i can't, i just say it's my fault either way, doesn't matter if i can't find a reason.
& slowly i'm tearing myself apart, i'm slowly ruining myself.
why? because i do not want them to be mad,
i don't want them to be upset.
I want to please everyone, and make sure no one's unhappy.
....i guess, everyone but myself.
i'm always worrying about others & how unhappy they are.
it scares me if i think someone may be mad,
if they may be unhappy, just...anything that isn't perfect.
it's like i just want to please..and please..and please..
i want to be perfect for everyone else.
but, am i happy with myself? ... with this self, that finds a need for perfection.
i worry about everything..and it never stops, it never stops, IT JUST NEVER STOPS.
it's basically an obsession with perfection.
perfect daughter, perfect friend, perfect sister,
perfect girlfriend, perfect student, perfect worker,
perfect grades, perfect makeup, perfect hair,
perfect attitude, perfect outfit,
the list just goes on and on, it never stops.
it drives me insane,
EVERYTHING IS DRIVING ME INSANE
please, just stop.
its too cute! AWWWE. -
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?rn=222561&cl=13141078&ch=224106
i never ask for help, i take care of myself -
hmm not the best picture, but i'm in no mood to take new pics.
OKAY, just woke up! WHY? My mom woke up at 8 and saw that I was still awake...and sent me straight to bed. So, no church at all for me today; that's kind of a positive, but a negative.
So I tried to talk to someone today, and hmm..he ignored me. THANKS ALOT. I mean, I said I wouldn't talk to you til I was better & I wanted to try talking to you because I thought that I obviously wasn't being fair by ignoring/avoiding you. APPARANTLY NOT! When I try to talk to you, you ignore me. Guess it's just karma?
Oh, and did i mention what happened on wednesday? or was it thursday? EITHER WAY. it was a serious dumb moment! I was in mandarin class & my teacher was talking about the work "gan xing qu" and explaining it (IT MEANS HAVE AN INTEREST IN). So, she turns to me & asks.
Teacher: Joanna, ni dui han yu gan xing qu ma? (Joanna, do you have an interest in mandarin?)
Me: shen me shi han yu? (what is mandarin)
EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING, embarassing much?
Oh, and you know what I found out? I can bs my way through socials...IT MADE ME LAUGH! There was this paragraph that we had to write for socials after reading like 11 pages from the textbook & I decided to...read my "private" series intead. So, I got to school and wrote a whole bunch of random ideas on the sheet of paper...and guess what?! I GOT 100% :)
now, let's hope i get 100% on the project too?
PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE?
my parents went down to the states to see tulips yesterday, aren't they gorg?
omg its done, omg! - Sunday, April 26, 2009
its 7.19 am and IT'S DONE
THE PROJECT'S DONE.
and now im really tired.
ughh, science hw & overdue hw
and mandarin dictation.
-yawn- i'm so tired.
off to a really cold shower to wake me up
& getting ready for church
-xoxo, joannaseow
the sun is out, still going strong ;) -
i've had no coffee AT ALLL! and i'm still wide awake..sortta :)
it's
6.04 am and well, I'm almost almost almost done this project!
just the bibliography and pictures and captions
and i'm DONNNE, then i gotta get ready for church.
oh man, i think i'm catching a cold. SO NOT GOOD.
she's so insane, SO INSANE -
it's 3.36 in the morning,
I am about 1/3 of the way done the project.
I have 3 pages of information so far.
we're almost there, it's almost done.
my insanity is almost over.WOAH, I'M BEING TOO DRAMATIC.
oh well, that's what happens when you're stuck
writing so much information about the History of Canada,
and TRYING to make it sound interesting.
i'm going fuckin mental -
i'm going crazy.
i need my project to be perfect.
but no, it just can't be perfect.
i need all the details, it has to be right.
i want 100%, i need 100%
i'm crying, i'm going fuckin insane
and i have no idea what to do.
save me from myself - i'm falling -
amazing song, but i can't seem to find it off itunes,
and i can't download it either :(
but it's AMAZING.
life can be a bitch -
i just wanna scream and lose control
throw my hands up and let it go
forget about everything and runaway
i just wanna fall and lose my self
laughing so hard it hurts like hell
forget about everything and runaway
-funny how this song knows exactly what i'm feeling
-xoxo, joannaseow
This is what I live with – Matt & Josephine -
[so I put dumplings in the toaster, cause I don't know how to boil them]
…something starts smelling burnt
Josephine: JOANNA I THINK THEIR DONE
Me: ohkay [takes it and eats it]
Josephine: [takes one and eats it] ….THEIR RAW.
Me: …
Josephine: DID YOU EAT IT?
Me: ….it didn't taste raw…DAMMIT.
Josephine & Matt: laughing at me like crazy.
[after ordering pizza from pizza hut, we were deciding who was going to pay the person who came]
Josephine: MAYBE LOUIS RIEL WILL COME & YOU CAN ASK HIM ABOUT STUFF
Me: …what the hell are you on. HE'S DEAD, YOU IDIOT.
Josephine: …Oh yeah! [falls to the ground laughing like an idiot]
Me:….you need help. K
[Josephine decided to cook the dumplings for me]
Josephine: ARE THEY COOKED? DO THEY TASTE COOKED?
Me: well, I ate it…(oh wait, I ate a raw one before didn't I?)
Josephine: [starts laughing like a psycho, AGAIN – that girl desperately needs some help]
[Josephine flips through advertisements]
Josephine: HEY LOOK, I thought these were Easter eggs!
Me: [looking at the ad] THEIR PILLS, PHARMACY PILLS.
Then…I decided to skip around the house singing,
"HERE ARE HIS TIPS, HERE ARE HIS TIPS"
-I know…I'm an idiot.
So, I procrastinate like crazy & this is all I’ve got for the project, AHH watch me go MAD. -
Some say he was crazy, some say he was a hero,
-most of us are at a point where we do not know.
So, WHO WAS LOUIS RIEL?
After the amount of research I have done, after everything that I have learned in class, I've come to decide that Louis Riel was a hero. Louis Riel is a man who stood up for his people and his beliefs, a man who stood strong on his ground; he was not one who would be pushed over. Louis Riel was a man that held a very strong vision of his people and himself; he sacrificed his life for his Métis people.
it's really something, it's fearless - Saturday, April 25, 2009
...that's what i've got to say to you.
it's a brand new day -
yes, my eyebags are showing.
I KNOW. I LOOK LIKE CRAP IN THAT PICTURE.
oh well, LIVE WITH IT.
guess what I realized?! I CAN'T HATE PEOPLE.
i can severely dislike them, but hate..I ACTUALLY CAN'T
randomm?! I KNOW. haha, ohh well - just a new found fact.
i was quite a bit excited! :)
okay so let's see.
monday, i was sick - right? I WOKE UP AT 12 :) OH IT WAS GLORIOUS, but i woke up to 5 text messages and 1 missed call - SO NOT FUN. Then, I kind of just lazed around, and took random naps.
tuesdayy was the first day back...I do not remember it at all :( EXCEPT that i stayed up til 12, then woke up at 3.30 to study those notes & so you'd think on wednesday, I would sleep like the moment i got home, right? THAT WAS SO NOT THE CASE
wednesday, was a hell of a long day. School, therapist, walked with my sister. We ended up going to the library to borrow books, I BORROWED THE "PRIVATE" SERIES, SOOO GOOD! GO READ! I stayed up til 1 or 2 reading it!
thursday, UGHHS. i spent the entire effin day listening to complaints. guess where it landed me? I figured out that so many people are fake, and there are so few people that I can really trust. Sometimes, I just need a withdrawal, so that i can ... well, hmm, literally have a comeback. Then, Naz called, which made my day a slight bit better! :) she told me I needed a vacation, NOT WITHDRAWAL (too bad, I'm still doing it) then, I talked to Rasmeet (I MISS YOU!) which made my day even betterr again! :) i love you both, thanks for your support! I have no idea what i'd do without both of you!
Today, hmm we got a new chinese project & hmmm yea, whatever. crystal & i decided to camwhore. GYM WAS GOOD :) i'm tired as hell now.
shower, then sleep, and tmrw....WORK WORK WORK ON THE POSTER.
maybe i won't blog tmrw? bleh, i'll take a break & blog about
Louis Riel & John A. MacDonald.
sounds interesting, ehh? NOOOOT.
-xoxo, joannaseow
"you're trouble, trouble for me" - taking the stage - Friday, April 24, 2009
i want to run away, i want to hide.
hide from everyone - dissapear & be gone
why? I actually have no idea, let's just say, my emotions are taking their toll on me once again. I'm slowly going back into that downward spiral. Two weeks ago, I felt as if I were..hm, on top of the world? Now all I want to do is get out, and fade away. Forget everything & just run...carelessly & freely. So, here's the plan (STARTING TOMMOROW): besides school, I will not have contact with anyone (besides family). I will not go on msn, or on facebook (EXCEPT TO RESPOND TO SOME & ONLY SOME MESSAGES), and I don't exactly plan on texting - unless it's incredibly important.
I have no idea how long this is going to last, all I know is I'll probably blogging daily, if not more often, That way, I guess I'm not exactly gone...but, I mean, I'm going to need somewhere to write/type out my thoughts,
So, let's stop - Rewind,
FIGURE OUT WHAT PUT ME BACK IN THIS PLACE,
then move forward.
Afterall, we're suppose to learn from our mistakes
(whatever mine was, I don't even know).
-xoxo, joanna
download: you won - jennifer chung :)
i'm so much better without you - Thursday, April 23, 2009
- i'm so much better without you -
I WON'T BE SORRY"
[it's alright, it's okay - ashley tisdale]
"DON'T LET ME STOP YOU,
from doing what you wanna do.
You don't wanna stick? trust me, it's cool.
TAKE NO CHANCE - GETTIN' OVER YOU
don't let me stop you, if you wanna leave?
Baby, JUST LEAVE"
[don't let me stop you - kelly clarkson]
xoxo, goodnight.
everything's crumbling, it's all going down. - Wednesday, April 22, 2009
GOOD MORNING,
it's 5.09 & i think i'm just about done my studying!
i'm going to try to randomly finish that mandarin worksheet
& hope that my information on science does not fade away.
invasive species, resource exploitation, ecological succession,
primary succession, contamination, habitat fragmentation,
habitat loss, soil degradation, soil compaction,
the list goes on and on, AHHHHHHHH.
anyway, time for a LONGGG day.
xoxo, JOANNA
day of silence, yesterday was 420. -
taking a quick break from studying & homework
WHY? cause i finished my first assignment pretty fast.
yesterday was 420, national pot smoker's day? YEAH, I DON'T CARE.
maybe we shouldn't have people smoking marijuana all on a certiain day :) because maybe all it does is ENCOURAGE everyone to smoke on that day. Sorry, I disapprove.
today? the day of silence. What is it? I'm not exactly an expert at this whole subject, but it goes along the lines of people staying silent on this day to support the transgendered, bisexual, or homosexual people. These people who have to sometimes hide who they truly are/what they truly feel, people who are being bullied for how they are - harassed for trying to be who they really feel they are. To be honest, I do not support this, but neither am I against it. I don't support it because it goes against how I've been brought up - it goes against what I have been taught to believe in. I just don't think that it's fair for people to abuse others just because they feel as if that is how they are (even though I don't exactly think God would've made anyone in this manner). If that's how they view themselves, then LEAVE IT BE. Do you really think God wants us as christians (or whatever religion you might be) to beat up these people? Do you think he wants us to make it seem as if he is that way? God wants us to accept & love people, NOT TO HURT THEM. As for people who just do it for whatever reason, I don't even know? All I can say is, what do you gain from hurting them? Enjoyment? A thrill? If that is so, you're pretty screwed up in the head (Sorry if I did offend anyone with that comment), but I just don't believe it's right.
So, yes - I know at times in this entry
I AM CONTRADICTING MYSELF,
but it all just winds down to this,
Don't hurt others for being themselves - for being different.
AT LEAST THEY HAVE THE GUTS TO SHOW IT?
just don't pretend. -
baack to school after one sick day & the stress is @ maximum.
Homework is piling up - science test tmrw.
NO MORE STAYING UP LATE FOR ME - according to my mom.
so CRAM, CRAM, CRAM & FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.
xoxos, joanna
i didn't go to school today :) - Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Matt: ni wei shen me qin ni de jiao?
(why'd you kiss your foot)
Josephine & I: WTF. (laughhiing)
...this conversation kept going..to other stuff i just won't mention :)
another conversation.
Mom: FOUND MY PHONE!
Daddy: HI! I'M HOME.
Me: Woah, you guys took THAT long to look for a phone.
Daddy: No..we went somewhere else.
Matt & I: oooohhhhh ;)
:D:D iunoe, random conversations. but they absolutely made my day!
i love my cousins - Cherisse & Cheryln Chew :) - Monday, April 20, 2009
so my lovely cousins remembered how I was bugging my mom to get me more oranges yesterday & decided to give me an orange with a little note on it! AWWWE, thanks you guys :) you both made my day. I LOVE YOU - i miss the days when we would meet up every week in Singapore, you both are the best cousins ever. LOVE YOU BOTH, xoxo.
if i put everything i have into it, eventually - i'm gonna get what's good for me - Sunday, April 19, 2009
Quick update on my past week.
Tuesday;
typical school day - after a 4 day weekend
afterschool - went with crystal to get extensions
Wednesday;
pretty good day, performed dance :)
afterschool - therapist
& 1 hour walk
Thursday;
great day to end our 3 day week! We watched dances @ the end of the day good job you guys! :) I went to kellyanne's - took pics with her mac
& helped her to start her blog! :) ugh some really dumb thing happened in mandarin - but I don't feel like blogging about it.
REPORT CARDS CAME OUT
-96;science & 89;socials & 74;gym & 74;mandarin
didn't really care about gym or mandarin - but was
pretty upset with socials cause it was suppose to be better
& i wanted 98 in science - UGHHHHS.
Friday;
was mehh - just tiring.
Today;
ooohkay, so I was up @ 5.30 doing homework til around 9. Got ready & then Allison came over - so, we left for the tennis courts. I SUCK AT TENNIS, I barely played - some random asshole asked us how old we were & kept staring at me...KINDDA CREEPY. We left to LOUGHEED MALL to get starbucks & bubbletea. After, we walked to some elementary school's tennis courts - we were stuck there til 6.30! BUTBUTBUT, you know what?! I had to go to the washroom, so i had to like sneak into Ian's house cause if not his parents would've bitched.
I think my writing isn't really making sense - i'm too tired & feel too sick.
DOWNLOAD THESE SONGS NOW:
-from "what a girl wants" the movie soundtrack?
[what's good for me - Lucy Woodward]
[half life - Duncan Sheik]
[long time coming - Oliver James]
-by RIHANNA :)
[question existing - Rihanna]
I’M HAVING FUN WITH THIS WHOLE MICROSOFT STUFF :) btw, I need help with question 5 - Saturday, April 18, 2009
- Sustainability is an ability that an ecosystem has that will sustain it through the many changes occurring in that ecosystem over time.
- Habitat loss is when a certain habitat has been destroyed; habitat fragmentation is when habitats are being divided into smaller fragments, which makes it more difficult for life on these certain fragments.
- Deforestation is when forests are cleared for our own use and will not be replanted anywhere. The consequences would be that it messes up our nutrient cycles, and soil degradation tends to occur.
- This will reduce the chances of run-off occurring.
- "List four examples of contamination that can occur due to mining" – I DON'T KNOW; anyone that does know? Message me please :)
- Overexploitation causes extinction, when we overexploit things it reduces the biodiversity that we have in our world. It causes species to decrease to the point of extinction, therefore loss of genetic diversity.
- Traditional ecological knowledge is the "First Nation's understanding of plants, animals, and natural occurrences". We use the stories told, the songs sung, their cultural beliefs & rituals, community laws, and agricultural practices.
Oh oh oh I don’t get this -
Okaaaays. Using Microsoft word 2007 & it had this whole thing about new blog posts? Just wanted to check it out & see if this actually gets uploaded on my blog. YES, I'M KIND OF AN IDIOT RIGHT NOW & GUESS WHAT? I'm halfway through my hw ;) I don't think I'm gonna bother with my MANDARIN HOMEWORK – yea, no thanks. So, I have one worksheet left for science :) and I'll decide whether I want to research for socials later. Once I'm done the worksheet, I gotta get ready to go out. OKAY, LOVE YOUS :)
GOOD MORNiNG LOVES. -
okaay, so it's 5.30 in the morning
& guess which day it is? SATURDAY.
Wondering what the hell I'm doing up so early
when I should be happily sleeping?
Well, let's see: I've got a shitload of overdue science hw that HAS to be on my teacher's desk by monday. There's a socials project that I should really start on, and there's also that long mandarin worksheet that I didn't bother starting on. Oh, and my mom expects me to start studying for the Science test that's coming up!
I had no time for it yesterday, and I'm suppose to be playing Tennis with Ian & Allison today (though I have no clue how!). I have no idea WHAT we're doing after that, but I doubt I'd be able to find time to do homework. Oh, and sunday? That's already filled up - church & church, and probably dinner with people...I'M GUESSING?
& THAT'S WHY I'M UP AT 5.30 ON A SATURDAY MORNING
okay i shouldn't blog anymore. BYEE :)
i watch the walls around me crumble - Friday, April 17, 2009
PRO D TOMMOROW :)
mm, long weekends are lovely
I definitely need to learn to express my emotions (To the people who matter) a little better. I have absolutely no problem just blogging about it...on & on, but when someone comes up to me asking why I may be upset with them or anything along those lines, I realize that I can't express how I feel...TO THEM. To be honest, the best answer I would ever be able to give them would be to read this blog; they would/should get it entirely...HOPEFULLY?
Why the sudden thought? My answer: THIS MORNING.
I was asked why I was upset with a certain someone, by that certain someone. In some ways, I did have my whole plan of avoiding him, but I started thinking that he should know exactly how I felt and the reasons for the cold shoulder he might be receiving from me. Thing is, I didn't exactly know how to explain/express it to him - I just may have been a little afraid.
So, here goes:
I'm upset because I feel as if you're pretty much using me. I feel as if you do not care one bit about me, I feel as if you take this entire situation as if it were a joke, and I don't want - neither do I need that in my life. I've just had it happen to me too many times; guys that will be there in one second, and leave the next. It's as if you don't realize how much someone will hurt when you do that. Maybe you'll think that you're basically being punished for someone else's mistakes, maybe someone whom I may have had feelings for before you. That could be true - maybe I have problems with you because I've been hurt so much before or anything that may have to do with that. As much as one might wish that that was why I can't trust you, I know that deep inside of me, I don't & never will trust you, and that has to do with you & I - NOT anyone else. I will always think that I don't matter to you, I will always believe that you think of me as a joke. I will never know the answer to that statement, only you will. If you are, then PLEASE leave me alone - it's unecessary to hurt someone in that matter, it is inhumane. If you aren't, then I am sorry for perceiving everything that you have done in the wrong manner. To tell the truth, I don't think that I'm wrong in this situation, because you don't seem to be concerned about me in any way. You don't bother trying to contact me, you don't reply properly whenever I ask you if you truly do care. Sure, your phone's broken or whatever - OKAY, I BELIEVE THAT. What about other times (WHEN YOUR PHONE WAS FINE)...when I would ask you if you really did like me - YOU WOULD NEVER/ COULD NEVER/ JUST DID NOT RESPOND TO THAT QUESTION PROPERLY, and I'm sorry - but people lose my trust VERY EASILY. Yes, maybe I'm overreacting - then again, maybe every single thing I've said is right. One more thing, what you did RIGHT AFTER I LEFT? That doesn't help the trust issue either. I know it happened in the past, and I know it should stay in the past, but you should always know - I'll forgive...but I won't forget.
sorry for the depressing/angered post?
update soon :)
kellyanne & me :) haha i look funny :) oh wells.
pictures from monday - Thursday, April 16, 2009
amazing view from west vancouver.
i wish i lived there...sort of.
OMG, me & justin, LOOK AT THE HEIGHT DIFF
he's a giant, i'm a midget. oh shitts.
LOUIS VUITTON ANYONE?
hermes? anybody? ;)
MARLEY & ME :) for patriciaa! :)
mushroom soup, lalala.
chocolate covered fortune cookies ;)
mmm..eclairs. don't you just want one?
crepe :) with ham and cheese and mushrooms
BLUEBERRY TART, i swear - it's amazing.
mmm, banana & chocolate crepe..mmm.
LOVE YOU - but as i said, one of my worst lookin days.
there are more. but i'm too lazy to upload em.
lalala, LOVEEEEE YOUS :)
"no more phoniness, no more faking it" - 90210 - Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I'm blogging at 10.42 PM when I should seriously go sleep considering that I truly am exhausted - NO, I don't plan on blogging about my day. Oh, and why is it that the ONE DAY I really just want to be left alone...people can't leave me alone. They keep talking, texting, and leaving comments on fb, SHUT UP- sorry. I'm upset, I want to cry all over again.
I just am so out of it lately, and I really wish I understood why I can't let "it" go - WHY I CAN'T LET HIM GO? Honestly, everyone I know tells me I can do so much better. It's not even that I like you...there's just something there I can't let go of. I just don't exactly understand what it is & maybe typing all my feelings out will help me figure that out.
Even you've told me that you do not understand why I like/liked you - I DON'T EITHER. What is it that actually made me like you in a matter of 3 days, and has me holding on ... after a YEAR?! WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS STUPID ENOUGH TO DO THAT? me, obviously. I can't date ANYONE & stick with it, because of you. I can't be happy...because of you. How did you end up having such an impact on me?
In case you were wondering, YES, YOU HAVE LEFT AN IMPACT ON ME. I've dated...but I push people I have considered liking away. I'm happy for moments, then I fall back down, back into confusion & ...dare I say, depression? I just don't get why you had to come into this life of mine. I was happy before you came...you made me happy for about a week, then decided to be an ass. You came back after a few months...and decided to leave again.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore & I know that I don't exactly have feelings for you at all anymore. So, please tell me...
WHY DO I STILL PUSH EVERYONE AWAY?
why am I so scared of them.
why can't I just let it go and trust them.
story on facebook wall - written by naz =) - Tuesday, April 14, 2009
"so here is a short story ..once upon time, there were two little girls they were the best of friends and always talked to each other even though they both go to different schools? talked..i mean they both talked about EVERYTHING :) joanna and naz became closer and closer but...as school got in the way..naz couldn't really talk to joanna alot. BUT now since there is no school on friday?...naz wants to see her loveeelyy girl♥.
Hopefully her wish comes truee.I Hope You Liked My Story ♥ "
bahhaha, awe THANKS NAZ, i did enjoy that story =]
responding & calling you ... eventually.
GOODNIGHT =)
oh yay...school tmrw... :
with eyebags..OH GOSH, please no!
i let you slip at first mistake - but the second time? I WAS GONE -
HAPPY..(LATE) GOOD FRIDAY
& (LATE) EASTER TO ALL ♥
so I've had a hectic, tiring, but fun long weekend.
OH, except one thing - MY COMPUTER'S DOWN..AGAIN.
therefore, I'm on the laptop.
I'm not going to blog too much about the past week,
but let's see...how DID my long weekend go?
I had a Good Friday service at 11 - so, I had to be up at around 9/9.30? After the service, I had to rush back to get to Kellyanne's to practice dance. We taught the new part to Rachel...then waited for Tash & Armineh. I decided to go on the treadmill @ Kellyanne's and they were like...WTF JOANNA, but anyway! =) We took pictures with Kellyanne's MAC ... (explaining the pictures that I posted @ like 12 in the morning on saturday). I left, and I went to work, and got home at 9.30, and...blah blah blah.
On saturday, I was forced to be up at 11.30 because my room had to be redone. It was tiring and I wasn't done til 4.30 - uggghs. After that, I got ready to go to the movies, and Kellyanne & I caught the 7.30 pm ... HANNAH MONTANA MOVIE. bahahahha! I know everyone pretty much thinks...It's gonna be stupid, right? Well, I must admit ... I THOUGHT IT WAS WORTH IT, it was such a cute movie. Even if you're not a Hannah Montana fan....You probably should watch it, IT'S THE CUTEST THING. PLUS, the guy is pretty damn cute! ;) I got home, and Rachel came over for a sleepover - WE WERE UP TIL 3, and I was basically knocked out.
Sunday = CHURCH. Rachel came with us for both churches. She went home at 6 pm & I had to go see my Aunt's new place! It didn't look too great from the outside, but the inside is pretty alright! I love their fireplace! We were there til about 10, and I had to come home and shower and all that. I stayed up til around 12? SO NOT SMART.
I HAD TO GET UP AT ABOUT 8.30 THIS MORNING, as we were going to Vancouver..for hmm, a family day? So, it took me forever to get ready, which resulted in well....leaving at 10? OH WELL; so, the first stop was Granville Island for a lovely brunch - crepes & soup. Then, we decided to head down to Chinatown...and I swear, we looked like tourists - NO JOKE. After that, we looked at HUGE houses up at West Vancouver - THEY WERE GORGEOUS & had the most amazing views; JEALOUSY. Oh well, I'm thankful for the house I have in Coquitlam anyway =) ... AT LEAST MY PARENTS COULD AFFORD ONE, right? be thankful for what you've got! ;) We didn't get home til 6.30 - I was so tired...I slept the whole ride home. Either way, it was a great day with my family, Justin, Samantha, Aunty Serene, and Uncle Chio Kien.
I was gonna upload pictures, but I'm too lazy to upload them onto the laptop. I will do it in the next few days! =)
FOR NOW, TTYLS.
& yes...still late replies on ANYTHING & EVERYTHING sent to me, I WON'T EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE. sorry...I'm TIRED mmkays? but text me if it's urgent...I read them..I just don't respond - but if it's urgent, I OBVIOUSLY WILL.
you might think that i'm bulletproof, BUT I'M NOT. - Saturday, April 11, 2009
We took this after practicing dance,
so yes I LOOK BAAAD.
lmao anywayys,
love you guys!
update? -when i've got time.
i'm exhausted,
and tmrw's gonna be busy.
xoxos.
the people highest up got the lowest self esteem -
.allison. says:
geez man cuzzy stop talking abt urself in ur personal messages
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
im not
its from a song!
.allison. says:
lol
yeaaah
but ur talking abt urself
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
theres the whole song
well no i just like that part
and HOW AM I TALKING ABOUT MYSELF
the part i adeded
cant be about myself
HAHS
.allison. says:
you like that part because it makes sense to you
it makes sense to you
because
you feel that it is applicable in ur life
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
noo i just like the part
its not applicable in my life
how is it
.allison. says:
uhm because ur actually rly pretty and smart
and you have the lowest self-esteem
hmm
how DOES that apply
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
smartness or prettiness has nothing to do with that
.allison. says:
yea
sure
you know i'm right buddy
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
i dont do ugly things
THANKS
.allison. says:
whaat
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
the 2nd part
says the prettiest people do the ugliest things
lmao oh well
over THAT convo
.allison. says:
lolll
you do do ugly things
& you just said u were out of ur friend's league
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
nooooooo.
.allison. says:
i rest my case
>> jоαииα, & LONG WEEKEND says:
HEY
NO NOT FAIT
FAIR*
wooh, randomm.
- Thursday, April 9, 2009
I was discussing a certain tasering article in Canada with my cousin & he told me to read about the Stanford prison experiment. For those who've already read about this, I'm sorry, I'm outdated. For everyone else? This is definitely an article you should read, if you're interested in law, psychology, etc. Well, not totally law, but still - I want to go into law one day, and I think this article is extremely interesting. It's just something that may not interest everyone, but I bet it would be of interest to many people out there.
So READ, and tell me about your opinions please :)
& i want you to move on, so i'm already gone. -
so i deffs lk...small eyed and ..just not my best.
but i adore this pictture :) its so..SUMMER-ISH.
love you guys :) - carly, keireen, tasha.
MUST DOWNLOADS OFF ITUNES?
already gone - kelly clarkson
you're not sorry (CSI REMIX) - taylor swift
unstoppable - rascal flatts
knock you down- keri hilson
once - rascal flatts
okiies, gotta run, xoxos.
need a change, from this burnout scene - Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I ADORE SUNNY DAYS,
the amazing blue skies ♥
updatiing? after a full week.
I can't exactly remember i did last week, but there were definitely a few main highlights. Great days, and bad days, thats for sure! I talked to my dietitian, and have finally made up my mind to eat more (which I have done lately, but I definitely feel guilty!). I got 44.5/45 on my Socials test; topped the class, but I probably could have done better, right? I went shopping on saturday...in HEELS-can you say STUPID? I definitely can!
Sunday was mm...interesting? I don't know, it was a mess of events. We went to 2 churches as usual, then out to dinner. My sister and I had like a serious heart to heart conversation at the dinner, even though millions of people were surrounding us, HAH. On our way home, we got into a huge argument with my parents, but it ended well. We came to an agreement: I DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO MANDARIN CHURCH, IF..and only IF, I JOIN A YOUTH GROUP AND IT BENEFITS ME. I hope it all will work out; we got home at around 11.30? I had to get ready for a blood test the next day.
I did a blood test on Monday! It was CRAZY, so many old people were in there, NO OFFENSE. It took forever til they FINALLY called my name-the lady was nice, but horrible at drawing blood. She decided to stick it in my left arm, and guess what? No blood would come out, so she pokes it around...then she goes, "OH, I THOUGHT IT WAS A FINE VEIN, GUESS IT WAS FINER THEN I THOUGHT". Then, she stuck it in my right arm, and was like, "YOUR BLOOD TAKES FOREVER". So, she couldn't fill the 2 vials of blood up! I had to go to Socials class, NO FOOD IN MY SYSTEM - as I had to fast before the blood test. I was shaking, but I got over that! :) I went to the mall during Science, then hung out with Rachel afterschool.
Today was pretty good :) I am overwhelmed with Science homework though! :( Crystal & I skipped Mandarin, I GOT NEW PINK HEADPHONES & NEW NAIL POLISH! YAY ME :) I went for a walk (IT WAS SO REFRESHING & RELAXING) I love the sun! Walks are amazing, except when people honk at you, which happened to me twice, UGHHHS. Anyway, time for studying & dinner!
love you! ♥
pictures from dinner on sunday night
KING CRAB :)
my FAIL at eating it?
other parts of the crab!
fried rice in crab ;)
beijing duck, in that stuff? BAHA.
1st plate of vegetables
2nd plate.
3rd plate :)
it went from meat in it?
TO NONE :)
ALMOND JELLY!
my healthy school lunch :) BAHAHS.
in this craazy worrld. - Tuesday, April 7, 2009
so i've had this whole plan about updating, updating, updating.
but guess what? all i've been doing is hanging out, going out, etc.
trust me, no homework is being done.
I will say that the past week has been a fun, but hectic week;
but what can i say? i adore the fast paced life :)
I had 2 blood tests this morning,
SO NOT FUN, almost fainted.
actually? kindda did.
proper update is deffs coming soon!
not the best picture-DEFINITELY, but hey, i try? :)
LOVES, JOANNA SEOW.
p.s. give me time to respond to emails, messages, text messages, etc.
-PLEASE, love you :)
- Monday, April 6, 2009
STFU. it's 10.48 in the morning.
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY TO START
A FIGHT WITH ME.
don't trust a hoe ;) - Sunday, April 5, 2009
"Don't trust a hoe,
never trust a hoe,
won't trust a hoe,
cause a hoe won't trust me"
[shut your lips, do the helen keller & talk with your hips]
Don't trust me - 30H!3
but i'm good with you,
yea, I'M GOOD WITHOUT YOU.
how many times can i break til i shatter
over the line can't define what i'm after
I ALWAYS TURN THE CAR AROUND
give me a break let me make my own pattern
all that it takes is some time but i'm shattered
I ALWAYS TURN THE CAR AROUND
Shattered - O.A.R.
beeesssst soonggs evverr right now.
how many times can i break til i shatter? -
mm, went shopping downtown
today with
irene & janet :)
update bout my week, later or tmrw.
time for homework.
xoxo, joannaseow.
i'm stronger now & it's all because of you - Friday, April 3, 2009
happy birthday deborah t. :) (march 31)
happy birthday ivan & flora :)
so I don't exactly have time to do a long update or anything.
but I just thought that I would write this post
to let the people i love the most know:
as distant as I may be right now,
I love you all with all my heart,
I will get better, I'm on my way.
I'll be back to where I used to be,
that fun, care-free, loving me.
In times of need, I'll still be here.
helping & caring, whenever I can.
Don't think you can't approach me
because of what I'm going through,
because you all definitely can.
I love you all with all my heart,
please never ever forget that.
xoxo.
10 fb inbox messages, 1 email, 3 text messages, 2 fb comments - i've managed to respond to 2 fb inbox msgs, and that's it. I'M SORRY, I WILL RESPOND TO ALL ASAP. LOVE YOU!
....I'm officially sick & paranoid, not a good mix, i think i'm going to faint.
she running from her past life, lookin for the spotlight - Wednesday, April 1, 2009
"I'm like drowning in this,I just feel like everything
is crashing down on me right now
& I need to take some control"
-whitney, "the city"
woah, i know exactly how she feels.
WHAT I DIDN'T SAY - SAVING JANE -
Secrets told in the pictures on your skin
Hours fade into days that never end
I see myself reflected in your eyes
And I hate the way I'm wearing all these lies
So I let you go & I watch you leave
& I hold my breath, so you don't hear me scream
When you walk away, but the words are only in my head
It's not what I said, It's what I didn't say
Is she everything you wanted her to be?
Yeah, I bet she never breaks your heart like me
So it's one more night I cover up with you
And I hate myself for what I didn't do
Should've known better, now
All I have left is a permanent stain
The only part of you I get to keep forever
To prove I lived this pain
Maybe I was never as smart as I thought
Maybe we can never be as good as we want
Maybe you just didn't need me enough
Maybe we're too clever to be falling in love like this
Secrets told in the silence of my sin
& I'm the one who loses in the end
no, im not in love with you
get the hell over yourself ;)
schedule (can't believe it's only tuesday)
TUESDAY, MARCH 31; STUDY FOR SCIENCE TEST
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1; DOCTOR & THERAPIST
THURSDAY, APRIL 2; PLANS WITH VANESSA STONE
FRIDAY, APRIL 3; WORK, WORK, WORK
SATURDAY, APRIL 4; SHOPPING DOWNTOWN WITH RACHEL..ithink?
[these plans better not fall through, especially shopping]
hmm not the best picture, but i'm in no mood to take new pics.
...that's what i've got to say to you.
yes, my eyebags are showing.
so my lovely cousins remembered how I was bugging my mom to get me more oranges yesterday & decided to give me an orange with a little note on it! AWWWE, thanks you guys :) you both made my day. I LOVE YOU - i miss the days when we would meet up every week in Singapore, you both are the best cousins ever. LOVE YOU BOTH, xoxo.
kellyanne & me :) haha i look funny :) oh wells.
We took this after practicing dance, 
so i deffs lk...small eyed and ..just not my best.
