- Sunday, May 31, 2009
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
Say what you need to say
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only ...
Say what you need to say
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
Say what you need to say
i've had a pretty great weekend so far, but now it's time to get my homework done. Study, Study, Study - oh my, vacation in 2 weeks. PLEASE HURRY UP!
i never meant to start a war, you know i never wanna hurt you - don't even know what we're fighting for; why does love always feel like a battlefield - Friday, May 29, 2009
ii lovee my siblings, xoxos. Socials & Science test are DONE - Thank God.
I would work on my chinese project..but um, no thanks ;)
My chinese teacher can get mad at me all she wants,
I really can't stand all this stress piling up anymore.
There's obviously homework that I should get done,
but guess what? I can't, I need my rest & sleep.
So hm, let's see -
i was stuck home all friday, since i was in the hospital - due to dehydration and all that.
my mom made me go to white rock on saturday...honestly? one day after i'm out of the hospital & you make me go to a beach? PLEASE REMEMBER I WAS THERE DUE TO DEHYDRATION, MOM. Oh well, it was fun...besides my constant headaches.
I went for church @ 9 on sunday as my mom wanted to go to that whole farmer's market thing...WE GOT KETTLECORN & in case you haven't realized..i get one day to rest...and my mom makes me wake up early after just ONE DAY OF REST after the hospital. So..I WAS EXHAUSTED & got excused from chinese church even though i didn't attend youth ;) After that, we went to Samantha's birthday (family gathering & all that) ... it was great!
I would not like to elaborate on my school days because all I can remember is...STRESS STRESS...AND MORE STRESS...fml. Oh & yes I got a haircut, opinions on it?
exams in 2 weeks, grrrrreeeeeaaaat.
- Wednesday, May 27, 2009
goodbye, long hair,HELLO, SHORT HAIR.
- Monday, May 25, 2009
maybe i do want you back in my life - maybe i don't
i just think i made a huge mistake when i shut you out.
well, i just screwed everything up, as usual - right?
lyrics, lyrics, lyrics -
"Say you're sorry that face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
'Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl I should have known, I should have known
That I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down"
- white horse by: taylor swift.
"Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide"
- collide by howie day
such cute songs, xoxox
schedule for next week. - Sunday, May 24, 2009
...hm, what a fun schedule? yeeeeah...NO.
just get back up. - Saturday, May 23, 2009
severe
DEHYDRATION
had a terrible headache that lasted almost 12 hours & is still on.
finally decided to go to see a doctor. Unfortunately, no clinics were open @ 11;
resorted to the hospital. Stuck an IV in me for fluids, had blood tests, and
an x-ray for my chest. I was fine, besides being dehydrated
& was sent home with medication.
& now, back to resting & drinking tons of water.
"everyday it's the same thing - same lies, same drama, same fights; i'm over it" - joannaseow - Thursday, May 21, 2009
Thanks a whole lot for ruining my day
I'm sure that you'll be glad to know that...thanks to you? My pulse raced to 96/min @ the doctor. I'm sure you're incredibly proud of yourself - for causing me to go mad, for angering me til I cried, and for making me feel like i've done everything wrong. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I ALREADY FELT LIKE EVERYTHING'S MY FAULT; thanks a shit load for adding to that burden. I'm sorry, I'm sick of that whole crazy load of drama. Just stop it & figure things out on your own? Stop coming to talk to me since I OBVIOUSLY always screw it up. Instead, maybe you should talk to your other lovely friends, who obviously - don't say anything, right? Cause they're just THAT loyal and have obviously never ever let any of your secrets out (NO SHIT THAT WAS SARCASM). Hmm...so, I guess - you deserve a round of applause - for causing my chest pains that have lasted 6 hours and who knows how long more their gonna last. A standing ovation for being such a "great" friend. & for causing me to cut. Thanks a hell of a lot for making me really go mad. I will write so much more on my other blog, since apparantly you read this one. I'm sick of it - not mad, I'm just done with it. I try to do things right, I try to keep everyone's secrets, I try my hardest to please all of you - but I guess it's never enough. So, I'm done.
goodbye - too many times before. - Wednesday, May 20, 2009
WOOHOO, today went from a bad day...to guess what? a hmm, sortta good day - i'm relaxed & pretty happy..for now, that is. Oh, but guess what? I think that I'll be taking a break from FACEBOOK & possibly - this blog. I probably wouldn't stop blogging on this blog though - hhmmm, oh wells =) there's still my other private blog that NO ONE (exception: edmund seow) gets to read! So, we shall see! Facebook...I definitely need a break from - I'll go on to edit pics, but no social networking. EXCEPTION? I'll respond to messages from certain people if I do not get to talk to them too often. alrighties - before i go, update on yesterday?
I was up @ 6 to get ready to go downtown. We (carly, kellyanne, keireen & I) left at around 8.30 in the morning & had this plan of walking to Granville for breakfast - but guess what? WE WENT THE WRONG WAY. hahahahah, we went the opposite direction! So we decided to settle for crepe from cafe crepe for BRUNCH. It was actually a good idea, cause those crepes were TO DIE FOR. Then, we shopped and shopped & trust me, I can get annoyed easily...and I did. So that would've made me seriously...MOOD SWINGY (i officially think that's a word..and i like it, so HAH) and trust me, I was a bitch. After - Keireen, Carly & I went to metrotown and took stickpics! :) I didn't go to Rafif's as my mom told me I shouldn't go...BOOOOO! :( By the time I was home...after 2 hours or so...I ended up in a bittch mood - AGAIN. I was still in one this morning - it's teerrrriiiblllle.
Today = me being more of a bitch, til the end of school - i'd rather not elaborate. Maybe I will...in my other blog.
kays, xoxos - goodbye.
punching 4 of you in the face is my dream right now :) - Tuesday, May 19, 2009
seriously needs a nose job.
ANYWAY, I AM PISSED OFF AT ALL
OF YOU, OKAY? OKAY.
fuckin idiots.
downtown & metrotown, xoxos. -
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go hard - today. can't worry bout the past; cause that was yesterday - Monday, May 18, 2009
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!
Wednesday: School & Youth. Oh yes, and have I mentioned? I GOT..83% on my last science test; can you say stupid? I definitely can! I'm officially f-in stupid. WHO GETS 83%?! stupid person like me, obviously. I can't believe I did that terribly. Screw it- ANYWAY, Youth was pretty fun! I met tons of great people :) & I will be going again next wednesday. Oh, and I had to see my therapist, etc., etc.
Thursday: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL BEFORE THE 4 DAY WEEKEND. School was really relaxed? OH WELL, after school - we all went to sushitown (Vanessa, Carly, Keireen & Rafif) then we went to Rafif's.
Friday: I had to go to the airport & I WAS TIRED AS HELL. Aunty Karen is here! & She got me new shoes :) & those things you wear on chinese new year? She actually got me 2 pairs of shoes, but I didn't like one!
Saturday: I had to stay home and work on homework...I do not remember what I did yesterday!
TODAY: Church - MALL WITH AUNTY KAREN & I got new eyeshadow from M.A.C. :) - mom bought sushi home for dinner. GOSSIP GIRL! GO WATCH GO WATCH!
Tommorow - downtown for breakfast & lunch ++ SHOPPING - Rafif's for dinner with the girls.
xoxos.
why would you wanna break a perfectly good heart? - Sunday, May 17, 2009
stereotypes...just aren't true.
behind the makeup, the clothes, that smile...
anyone ever considered that maybe i'm just that girl
who loves time to herself, who loves to run around
& look like an absolute fool -
loves to stay home, relax & read a book when she can.
a girl who would do anything for family ...
a girl who still misses & loves her ex nanny.
a girl that's not shallow? -who just wishes her fairytale would come true.
a girl who will stay true to her morals & values.
as stupid as i might sound - it's just me.
i'm not who they think i am; it's called an act.
I'm pretty sick of it, so why don't all of us just drop it.
fatigued, worn out, tired, etc. - Saturday, May 16, 2009
good night, xoxos.been out since 9/10 a.m.?
so they say pictures speak a thousand words. - Friday, May 15, 2009
goodbye to you - Thursday, May 14, 2009
"GO CRAZY-fall & lose yourself but come back stronger,
come back and FIGHT HARDER".
-joanna seow
i'm so so so tired, i just got home half an hour ago.
i have been out for the entire day, except when i got home for an hour.
so that means i've been out 8-5.40 & 6.30-9.30
sleeep, sleeep, sleeeeeeeep, please?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxos
this road is anything but simple; twisted like a riddle. - Tuesday, May 12, 2009
LAST weekend? was
relaxed but
stressful - does that make sense?
more like a total contradiction, eh? i know.
so let's clear that up -
Saturday; i woke up really late as i had been up til around 4 on Friday. So, let's just say i got up at approximately 1 or 2-ish? It all went downhill from there; i fought with my mom the ENTIRE day. I was so frustrated that i KEPT cleaning my closet and my room - felt like i was obsessed.
Sunday; Mother's day - i got up and made her toast (i'm a terrible cook!). Despite our terrible fight the day before, it was Mother's day...i couldn't be a bitchy daughter. We all received the best sermon that day which led to - an amazing day. The sermon was basically saying that we were were suppose to be gracious & forgiving - so, our entire family (except for my brother who left to malaysia without telling anyone, except me i guess?) was all forgiving, gracious, etc., etc. Off to lunch, then Chinese Church where we had dinner. Then, we went to Aunty Serene's house & did the trail walk @ the Coquitlam River & went back to her house. I tried doing boxing on the wii, but i was so tired, i just fell asleep on their couch - THEN...we went home :) & off to bed i went.
Today; New socials teacher, mandarin = a bore, SPIRIT ASSEMBLY = VANCOUVER TITANS - they were so tall! Crazy basketball guys! Anyway, science = crap & gym was alright. I got new concealer & this new sweater thing! :) hell yes. I got home and just lazed around & napped every 5 seconds.
BTW, can everyone stop stereotyping me? I pretty much might never have a chance with this kid i'm intrested in - WHY? He thinks i'm a white washed, non-studying, party girl that only likes white guys...and he's asian, so yes, he obv won't expect me to like him. So, let me just straighten everything out: Yes, i'm white washed to a certain extent, but not fully - i'm still asian in my little ways. I study my ass off - yes, i'm lazy with certain subjects, but i try in school - WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING. For that whole party girl aspect? I'm sorry, that's not really me - i'm not that kind of girl, AT ALL. As for that whole liking white guys thing? No, i go for personality - I'M NOT SHALLOW. So, stop with the stereotypes.
Funny thing is, if someone gave me heavy liquor right now? I'd be glad to take a billion shots, i'm kind of ... REALLY upset, and my brain just hurts. I want it all to be over & done with. Anyone else every gets that feeling? I bet you anything, half of you feel the except same way. (& No, i'm not an alcoholic who loves to drink...i just think it could definitely help me right now. I haven't thought about drinking in a very long time, ohmy.)
One thing i know for sure right now though?
i really do like...someone else.
& he's pretty far from where i'm at, this sucks.
"Am i honestly thinking about you right now?
When i'm in class & the only thing i think about is you?
Everything's wrong - it's hard to move on.
I wish I had tried to get to know you better back then,
I wish i'd been a little quicker.
Guess i'm too late & things can't be changed.
YOU'RE TAKEN, I'M STUCK.
but that's all for now, xoxos"
-joannaseow.
happy mother's day <3 - let the past be the past. - Monday, May 11, 2009
may not be the best pictures, but oh well.
happy mother's day
& i love my family
-missing jonathan seow dearly!
please come back to canada ASAP!
updating on my weekend soon
love ya'll, xoxos.
- Sunday, May 10, 2009
i'm everything you thought i never was.
leave me alone. -
i just woke up an hour ago & it's a terrible day.
so LEAVE ME ALONE, i don't want to snap @ anyone.
don't call - i won't pick up. you can text - but i won't text back.
you can fb msg/write on my wall - i'm not answering.
but to be honest, I DON'T WANT ANYONE CALLING, TEXTING, ETC. ME
can everyone just leave me alone today?
cause these things will change - Saturday, May 9, 2009
Thank God for the weekend, not kidding at all, JOANNA SEOW...NEEDS HER REST!
Alright, why the heck have i been so moody over this past week?
Let's see, I have friends who are filled with drama, I wasted my time on an asshole, I barely ate, I've been stressed as hell, I'm getting an average of 5 hours of sleep OR LESS a day...that would lead to moodiness, wouldn't it?
Thank God for friends who WILL stick by you no matter what - friends who are MATURE, unlike certain people I know. No, no one's done anything to me...it's just, sickening to watch the amount of gossiping people do & the many fights they get into. I haven't hung out with "them" all week, and when I decided to, GUESS WHAT? it was drama, drama, drama. It was that whole, "WHAT THE HELL, YOU SAID THAT ABOUT ME?" & "WHY ARE YOU SO FULL OF BULLSHIT?" & "STOP TALKING SHIT BOUT ME", ETC. i think you all get the point. I'm sorry, but you/we are 16, aren't we kind of PAST that whole dramatic stage? Apparantly not, oh and that whole "he said, she said" thing? getting kind of old! Also, when people say their so sick of drama, maybe they should learn to stop saying, "I'm not suppose to tell you this BUT..." - eventually word GETS OUT. I'd think you've realized that by now, _______. Quite a few of you are TWO FACED & FAKE, and maybe you'll call me hypocritical as I do the same thing at times, but to be honest, you guys take it to a whole new level.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS - not all, because i definitely know some that are true to their word & are absolutely honest & not players at all. To some of you, isn't it time to grow up & stop fooling around? Isn't it time to take into consideration the people that you just might be hurting? Isn't it time for you to figure out how YOU truly feel? Sure, you're only in your teen years, who really cares who your hurt? Well, i definitely hope karma will come and get you..and yes, I am talking about a specific SOMEONE. So, _____ ___, have fun with your little games, their not going to help you. Oh, and one more thing? I'm never turning back.
STRESS, STRESS, STRESS - oh gosh, do i really need to go on about this? I slept at 11pm on wednesday, woke up at 2 am to study...and I WAS STUDYING THE DAY BEFORE THAT + EVERY HOUR I HAD BEFORE 11. You can't imagine how absolutely tired I am. At the same time, I'm dehydrated & starving. Yep, starving - well, not today though. I don't know, I think i definitely need to stop this whole "eat, starve, eat, starve" routine. It's ruining my metabolism. From monday - thursday, I was consuming less than 600 calories a day, sometimes even only 200...so...what can i honestly say?
TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL TEENAGER LIFE, DON'T YOU THINK?
Now, about my great day today, and NO, it's not sarcasm :)
I really was happy today! It started off great - socials was fun, then off to mandarin...that was actually pretty fun too! & I MUST SAY, i just MIGHT be developing a little new crush on a certain someone in my mandarin class ;). Lunch was with Hanna & Keireen, they are honestly so filled with like happiness & all this energy, it's kind of contagious! Science was pretty alright, I was actually so attentive, besides watching Vanessa make all those little hearts with her food, BAHAHAHAS. Gym was absolute fun! I SCORED A TOUCHDOWN! :) THE...well...ONLY touchdown that my entire team got, YAY ME! After that, was home & work, but i left work SO early - then SHOPPING :) for like 10 minutes, but i managed to get 2 new tops. I'm actually so happy today! I LOVE TODAY :) but i'm still exhausted. "The Tuxedo" @ 1 am, I'm gonna watch it! :)
Did i mention, I got 4 new tops & a new pair of jeans and guess what? I have not spent more than $50, IT'S CRAZY! All the stores are having such great sales, i just love it - I SHOULD'VE BOUGHT WAY MORE STUFF, but I didn't because my mom actually didn't want me buying new clothes AT ALL.
Anyway, off to shower & no clue what after, then MOVIE!
-xoxo, joannaseow
facebook mobile :) - Friday, May 8, 2009
i just activated it! & i'm so amused!...I KNOW I'M SLOW...but it just wouldn't work before, but now it does. YAY ME! and texting is like free? lmao lmao, i'm such an idiot!
they aren't what i expected, he's not what i expected -
happiness is definitely something i need right now
surviving on 3 hours of sleep,
BAD DAY - not in the mood to elaborate.
LOOOONG POST...tmrw or saturday :)
studying - DONE? more reviews at school! - Thursday, May 7, 2009
So, I think I should definitely listen to Mr. Bryce more in Science, so that I don't have to study like for 10 hours in one day. Though, it probably is becuase there are two chapters...either way I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!
do you know your enemy? - Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Quick summary of last week; it was alright @ the beginning & basically spun out of control.
DRAMA BETWEEN EVERYTHING CERTAINLY TAKES ITS TOLL ON ME. I had the worst weekend in the world, and I ended up having quite a few breakdowns. Either way, I'm glad it's over.
Sunday was church, THE NEW WOLVERINE MOVIE? :), and DDR, lmao I KIND OF FAIL AT THAT. I definitely do reccomment that wolverine movie though...I don't even know the title..bahahs.
Monday was terrible, I had another breakdown...I'm kind of sick of how I just can't detach myself from that certain group. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, is that too much to ask? I was feeling pretty terrible & almost fainted in gym. I got home, and studied & did my homework. The Hills & Gossip Girl were amazing, if you missed the episodes.
Today, I found out i got 26/30 on my project (86%) ... wtf. BUT, i got perfect on my mandarin dictation. STUPID MANDARIN TEACHER TOOK MY PHONE, but i got it back...science was basically stressful. Gym was death. I did decide to eat, because i remembered what the hell i was ruining - my metabolism. ANYWAY, off to shower then studying/bed. GOODNIGHT.
-xoxo, joannaseow
this is your lullabye -
UP & DOWN, UP & DOWN; that was literally my day
- A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE -
but on the bright side, i've only consumed
...200 calories & I've exercised :)
hopefully no binges tonight
& one orange is allowed...only if necessary.
off to study, xoxos.
please, help - Tuesday, May 5, 2009
i'm sorry, but why is it that i don't seem to be able to study?
all i did was study stupid mandarin, i didn't even study science.
am i stupid? yes, yes i am. i need to study, but i can't focus.
i feel tired, i feel crazy, i'm hungry, i just want to go
i want it all gone, please go.
frustration, fear, anger, GO GO GO.
I NEED TO STUDY, I NEED TO DO WELL ON THE TEST.
NONONONONO, 90% CAN NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH
i must always do better, i can never do horribly.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I NEED TO BE SMARTER, STRONGER, BETTER.
-
"It's amazing how fast life changes,
SPiNS RiGHT OUT OF CONTROL-
but, in that moment where nothing's right
and everything's wrong,
you find the ones that you can trust
& you'll find the ones that should never be trusted"
-joannaseow
sitting here, wondering what I should do? - Monday, May 4, 2009
as you can tell, i was just a tad bit bored this afternoon.
either way, i just got home & school tommorow.
debates in the morning, I'm not exactly prepared.
GOOD NIGHT, XOXOS
update tmrw..i hope.
-
where would i be without that girl with that retarded smile on her face? i absolutely love my family.
too bad my brother isn't here. I've realized that I have no pictures
with that kid (OR ONES THAT I LOOK NORMAL IN)
welcome to your lies, welcome to goodbyes - Sunday, May 3, 2009
I've got to blog to get all my anger out.
What is with how fake every fuckin person is? What is with how corrupt this world can be? What is with how hyprocritical everyone is? What is with people finding their own confidence in putting everyone down? What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Or maybe there's something wrong with me. Gosh, I was suppose to diet, but everyone convinced me not to - and what happens now? Everything goes out of control. That's right, it goes right out of control when I don't diet; when i gain weight, just EW.
FINE. I'LL STARVE MYSELF.
i'll starve myself i'll starve myself i'll starve myself!
ARE ALL OF YOU HAPPY NOW? GOSH.
-
"Sometimes we fall down, so that we can get back stronger-
Hurt the ones that hurt us, just much harder."
-Joanna Seow :)
to 2 people. - Saturday, May 2, 2009
TO BOTH OF YOU.
there's honestly no need for a fight, grow up, please and thanks. To one of you, learn to be a little more mature - get your facts straight before bitching at someone. I mean, after all, you bitched at her, and what happens after? You're going, "I don't know what to do, I don't know if I did the right thing". NO SHIT, you obviously acted on an impulse and i'm guessing you were pushed towards that action. To be honest, I think that you should know who you can trust and who you can't. You're going to trust someone you've known for like one week instead of someone you've known for a couple years? whatever, but if you say you're mature? You wouldn't be getting into stupid fights like these, you wouldn't be bitching at someone without getting your facts straight, and you'd learn to move on & get over it.
To the other, I don't really have a problem with your side of the story, but next time? TRY NOT MENTIONING ME IN YOUR ARGUMENTS. I wasn't even trying to get involved in the fight - I just knew what I heard and I knew how to get her to at least reason out with you. SO, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.
& to the other one involved in this - stop trying to ruin people's friendships, especially if you've only been here for a month. You've been here for a month, and already created drama - time to stop.
ALL OF YOU, GROW UP.
TGIF -
water fights during gym?
most deffs (:
fun fun fun day!
oh oh oh,
and mommy got dim sum
dim summmmmmm,
yay.
ii lovee my siblings, xoxos. 
goodbye, long hair,
...hm, what a fun schedule? yeeeeah...NO.
WOOHOO, today went from a bad day...to guess what? a hmm, sortta good day - i'm relaxed & pretty happy..for now, that is. Oh, but guess what? I think that I'll be taking a break from FACEBOOK & possibly - this blog. I probably wouldn't stop blogging on this blog though - hhmmm, oh wells =) there's still my other private blog that NO ONE (exception: edmund seow) gets to read! So, we shall see! Facebook...I definitely need a break from - I'll go on to edit pics, but no social networking. EXCEPTION? I'll respond to messages from certain people if I do not get to talk to them too often. alrighties - before i go, update on yesterday?.jpg)
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LAST weekend? was relaxed but stressful - does that make sense? 
Thank God for the weekend, not kidding at all, 
happiness is definitely something i need right now
as you can tell, i was just a tad bit bored this afternoon.
where would i be without that girl with that retarded smile on her face? 
