LOOOVEEED, joannaseow.
a MUST download?
knock you down - KERI HILSON & NEYO & KANYE WEST
EMAILS, TAGS, TEXTMESSAGES,
FB COMMENTS & MESSAGES,
WILL BE RESPONDED TO ASAP.
sorry for delays...if they have not been responded to.
xoxo.
reason to live. - Friday, March 27, 2009
it's 9.35, i absolutely have no life right now,
so i decided to take pics of how absolutely horrible
i lk before i go to sleep. oh yay. EWW.
.bmp)
it feels like sunshine, and it feels like rain -
wooohs, fat day today, i could just puke, just ew.
It's actually disgusting just thinking about what I ate today,
probably more than 1000 calories, SERIOUS EXERCISE NEEDED.
This morning, it took me hours to figure out what to wear to school, NO FUN AT ALL! :( Socials Class? The teacher was LATE, HAH - we started class off with reading an article about unilever. This brand promotes fair skin to people with darker skin, and are proposing the idea to them and have literally made them believe, dark skinned people have to be fair skinned to be beautiful. WHHHHAT THHHHA F, just don't even get me started on what I can say about the article, I'm in no mood to bother with that. If I ever do get into the mood, I'll do it. Mandarin was umm bullshit, I like FAILED chinese dictation, and that's all you'll need to know. Lunch was with Keireen & Rafif, and Science was INTRESTING. Well, SORRTA, I told Vanessa & Elaine how I was like considering a nose job? THEY WERE LIKE...ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON'T. blehh, I don't even know though, I kind of really want one. Then again, it won't happen til like a couple years from now but HMMM. Gym class...WE DID HURDLES, omg, just plain dumb. Afterschool, I was planning on going to the mall with Rachel, but my mom called and bitched at me, SO I HAD TO GO HOME.
DOWNTOWN SHOPPING WITH RACHEL,
JANET, AND SANDRA NEXT SATURDAY THOUGH! =)
& IKEA THIS WEEKEND WITH MOMMY FOR SURE, i believe! =)
LOVES; joannaseow
perfection is defined; - Thursday, March 26, 2009
I was seriously contemplating on whether to blog today because I am obviously LAZY, and tired? :) but anyway, it's 10.50 pm - I'm not exactly in the mood to sleep, may as well blog! :)
Monday; First day back from spring break, ohhhhgoshh, it was not pleasant at all. Socials was REVIEW, REVIEW & MORE REVIEW, thankfully, I had a whole bunch of people text messaging me! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOU GUYS :) Mandarin was a bunch of bull, but I got out of detention, because I'm BRILLIANT ;) bahaha, just kidding. Lunch was spent hanging out with Jenny; I got my No whip Green Tea Frappucino from starbucks - ABOSOLUTE LOVE! She was trying to force me to eat, but that didn't happen. I only ate an orange that day :) plus a bag of thinsations I guess, but no worries, CALORIES WERE BURNED. Science was um bullshit? Yep, pretty much. Gym was alriight, we did Javelin, ohmygosh, FAIL? At least we did a bunch of running and like Ab workouts though, so I did get my calories burned, PLUS WALKING HOME! :) So, walked home with Rachel for a bit. Then, the rest of my day was filled with an overwhelming amount of homework & studying, so I didn't get the chance to reply to emails or respond to text messages when I got home, so sorry.
Tuesday; mmm, socials test was alright, I was really long winded, but I hope it made sense. Mandarin was um ... mandarin. Lunch was spent with the usual people; I'm lazy to list names, alright? Science...hm was intresting, I got 33.5/35 on the quiz...WHY COULDN'T I GET 35? UGH, STUPID MUCH? After school, I walked back with Sandra, then Allison came over - Rachel was suppose to, but she like went missing? :( Camwhored for a bit, then just talked, talked, and well TALKED. She stayed til like 10.30, so I didn't start homework til then, but we didn't have much, so it was all good...but I didn't sleep til around 12, which led to a crappy morning today.
TODAY; Woke up with chest pains, and you would THINK my mom would let me skip first block but NOOOO, she forced me to go to school. That is, until I was ready for school, then she was like, "oh, so are you missing first block?" I WAS GONNA SCREAM, SHE SAID I COULDN'T AND NOW SHE'S ASKING? So, I was like...30 minutes late for class, HAHA. The rest of the day was blehh, GYM...WE DID SPRINTS! :) I got out of the changeroom...with 11, yes 11...text messages on my phone : ! I went to see the therapist after school, she's SO NICE. I felt so much better, just talking, and saying whatever I wanted to say. I'm kind of excited for the eating disorder program, sort of. As long as I don't get fat, and still get to lose weight? :) ...yea right. OH WELL, I got home at about 6/7, and I was in need of a nap, and I just spent the last 3 hours doing homework, OHMYGOSH.
now my ass is SORE. ohkays, off to bed.
loves, joannaseow<3
let's see how you live without me - Wednesday, March 25, 2009
HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY NILOO
& HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY KIMBERLY
loves, joannaseow
build me up & tear me down. - Monday, March 23, 2009
done homework, done homework, done homework.
except the project, but...meh, i don't plan on doing it, SORRY.
mmm, note to self - long email needs to be written tmrw
& tons of studying must be done & only eating fruits tmrw.
oh and...IM TOO DAMN TIRED WITH BOTHERING ABOUT YOU.
don't fuckin come back into my life, please & thanks
...all you did was ruin it. BYEBYE, asshole.
ohkays, gd night!
loves, joanna seow.
your chance has come & gone -
mmm, long night, sad night, upsetting night, depressing night.
SATURDAY: I woke up @ 9, because my mom decided to call my cell, WHEN SHE WAS AT HOME. Doesn't that just make a ton of sense? Well, either way, SHE WOKE ME UP. I got up, and had some breakfast. I thought that we were going to Ikea and got ready...but we didn't! :( Mhmms, I was deff a little upset! So, we all stayed home, watching "Housewives Holiday" off mobtv...WE HAVE FINISHED THE SERIES, hmm what other Singaporean shows can I watch now? Suggestions, anyone? After that, I went to exercise for like...an hour! :) Skipped rope, and ran a whole bunch. Justin & family came over @ night because Samantha and I had to practice singing for church on Sunday, because my mom fell sick! :( We chose "Blessed be your name", we barely practiced, but OH WELL. Then, I came online, and all of a sudden just felt so mad, I honestly don't know why. Possibly because it is my time of month? BAHAHA, okay, don't even bother reading that part. I'm guessing that's why? Then, I just HAD to sign onto friendster and read something, that literally made me go mental. I just thought that they didn't even talk anymore? Apparantly not. Either way, I'm done with that, considering that I spent another night crying til fuckin 2 in the morning. I should've known...definitely SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. I guess, I'm just a little too stupid though, eh? & I thought you guys were my friends...hmm.
INTAKE YESTERDAY?
3 cups of lettuce (RAW) – 30 calories
Ice cream – 150 Calories
1 glass of 1% milk – 102 calories
Special K cereal – 150 Calories
Thinsations – 100 Calories
Apple – 81 Calories
Orange – 59 Calories
Brocolli & Fish - approx. 300? :(
OUTAKE?
30 mins of intense skipping rope – 200 Calories BURNED.
30 mins of running – 200 calories BURNED
=652 calories, EW.
TODAY; I woke up, and was in such a bitchy mood...my reasons have already been mentioned! :) I was up at 8.30, and church didn't even start til 11, ugghs. We were EARLY, a SERIOUS surprise. I absolutely loved the worship, it was incredibly lively and all that! We had a great sermon, AN ADULTEROUS HEART! Bahahas, no it's not the topic that I like, sorry, I'm just not an adulterous person, I think ;) OR at least...I'm not as bad as SOMEONE. Wow, I really should not be trying to justify anything at this moment, so I'll just stop myself before I bitch like crazy.
So, I just kind of wanna write about Pastor Mark's Message:
The story of David's adulterous heart, was a story about "sexuality, murder, and pride gone wrong". Many times in lives, we like to take things in our own hands, because we do not believe that God wants the best for us - and THAT is behind quite alot of the sin in our lives. Many times, when we are living in darkness - we DO NOT want God to see us, though we know that he always does. The fact that he always watches us, results in us IGNORING him, and that truly kills our souls. "David allowed his soul to spiritually drift, he toyed with temptation and sin, he tried to cover up [his sins], and he ignored [God]". Many of the times, when we do things that we know will hurt the ones we love, it doesn't have to be adultery, it can be other things. We need to think, HOW ARE WE GOING TO LOOK INTO THE EYES OF THE PEOPLE WE LOVE, HOW CAN YOU, AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?
Done talking about that message, it really did have a huge impact on me; just made me think of my eating disorder, and um...something else. We went to lunch at Pizza Hut, fat fat...more fat? BAHAHAs. When we got home, I forced myself to exercise for a half hour, in hopes of burning what I had just eaten. Then, off to chinese church, where I had to perform, ugghs, embarassing? I got a text message (I will go into more detail later!), I couldn't quite believe it, but whatever. Then, we got home, and I had an orange & cereal, more about my food intake later.
ABOUT THE TEXT MESSAGE: _______ did something she had sworn she'd never do last night. She was drunk, she made a mistake, it deserves to be forgiven. I'm not the one who would be mad at her, but she's mad at herself, I wonder if she can forgive herself for what she has done. I don't know all the details, but I know that I really do disapprove of what she did, SORRY, you know I do. I won't judge her about it though, as it was a mistake.
That made me think about what Mr. Lloyd had said a couple weeks ago; our society these days, lets so many people off because it's all just a "mistake". When someone kills someone, it's all a mistake. Sure, they pay for it, with what? A couple years in Jail? Sometimes, people plead with insanity, and where do they end up? A MENTAL HOSPITAL, not even prison. As you've probably figured, the death penalty does not exist in British Columbia. A man got away with murdering his wife, because he was going mental. He had apparantly lost his job, and really just couldn't figure out how to go on living...so, he kills his wife. I'm sorry, but WHAT THE HELL. Really? SERIOUSLY? It's not that hard to find a job, just get a low paying one if you really find it that hard. THOSE ARE NOT HARD TO COME BY. Losing your job, does NOT justify you killing your wife. I just think that: we all make mistakes, that's true; but when is it that the person DOES NOT deserve to be forgiven? I KNOW that the Bible says that we are to forgive everyone, but really, certain things just CAN'T BE FORGIVEN. Some things...PEOPLE DON'T DESERVE TO GET AWAY WITH. YOU TAKE SOMEONES LIFE, yours deserves to be taken as well? I don't know, I could go ON AND ON about this topic, but I'll stop.
INTAKE TODAY
Little bits of food @ Pizza hut - approx. 250? calories
Orange - 59 calories
Special K cereal (a bit more than usual) - 200 calories
Another Orange - 59 calories
Thinsations - 100 calories
OUTAKE
30 mins of skipping rope - 200 calories BURNED
hopefully doing more exercise later, but i may have shin splints. UGH.
=468 Calories, EW EW EW.
oh & if i haven't responded to anyone's text messages, I'm TERRIBLY sorry. I kind of got sick of responding to them, but i read them! :) I tried to respond to them today, but I don't think I got everyone.
anyway, back to school tommorow. YAY, time for fake smiles & fake happiness. ohgosh!
LOVES, joannaseow.
BAHAHA, i wish i had a high IQ :) - Friday, March 20, 2009
Congratulations!Your general IQ score is 147.
A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 144-160 is considered to be
"gifted".
An IQ is a composite of your scores across 12 distinct aspects of
intelligence. Each person has a unique intellectual make-up, with strengths and
weaknesses that affect their methods of understanding, recognition,
communication and association. Using a carefully cross-reference scoring scheme,
TestCafe is able to accumulate a profound quantity of information about your
natural intellectual abilities.
LOLOL, i was up doing IQ tests :) and i got a high number, I doubt that's true, cause i did horribly on other ones. but omg, the day my IQ is 147? DREAM DAY :)
emails are DONE, off to bed? maybees. bahaha yep, absolutely LOVES.
"it's better late than never right?" "well, there's also such a thing as -too little too late" -
OMG, HAPPY 16th SHILP,
hope you'll have the bestestest one ever, kayss? =)
I should definitely be sleeping right now @ like, 2 in the morning? I just can't be bothered, considering I went to bed @ 8.45 & woke up at 10 & started on my homework. Yes, I've only had an hour and 15 minutes of sleep! OH WELL, I'm pretty sure I'll live ;) considering that I'm very much awake at the moment! =)
(I was having fun taking pictures of a bunch of teen vogue magazines!)
Mall was GREEAT! I got my heels, and new shorts, and NEW ISSUE OF TEEN VOGUE! ;) BLEH, if it came out awhile ago, and I'm outdated -SORRY, I haven't gone out of the house and actually looked at a magazine rack for like, the past week? So, my mommy decided to make me late, LEAVING IRENE STAYING OUTSIDE THE MALL LOOKING LIKE A LONER! =) We got there, bumped into Barbie & Vanessa, and looked through various shoe stores. We finally got to Spring, and I found a pair of heels that I liked that were also pretty reasonably priced, so I got them! We both were dying of thirst, so we went off to starbucks, and saw Selva & Reza. We both got green tea frappucinos, because they're just absolutely fabulous? OF COURSE! =) Difference? Mine was without whip, UNLIKE IRENE, pshh whip cream. We looked at a bunch of stores, nothing really intresting, besides mantique, where the lady started complimenting me for my jacket and bag, LOL. I thought of buying a jacket thing from sirens, but decided to look around instead. We went off to Urban Behavior, where I thought of buying their shorts, OR buying this sweater-ish thing! Thought, and thought...went from store to store, and landed back at urban behavior...but nope! So, off to sirens where we both got shorts (though it's like raning and freezing lately, WEATHER PMS? i do believe so) Then, off to coles where I was desperately looking for the new issue of teen vogue, and guess what? FOUND IT! ;) Shopping was done, as my mom would be bitching at me if I got more, but the last time I got something was like what? A week ago? or was it two weeks? MEH, gotta control my spending! I got home, and took pictures of my stuff as I was dying of boredom. All of a sudden, I got a terrible tummyache, resulting in me not eating dinner & at the same time, having an excuse to not eat dinner! ;) I watched an old episode of America's Next Top Model, I SHOULD DEFF START WATCHING THAT AGAIN, it's been too long. My tummyache wasn't getting better, so OFF TO BED. Woke up at 10..AT NIGHT, bahahah yes, at night, and finished some homework! I wrote a letter to Aunty Tessie, and I shall email Daryl soon? OKAY, 2.10 am now...not tired yet! I had some Special K Satisfaction cereal, hmms, hoping there isn't too much fat, OR ELSE.
(new shoes? I think their cute! formal-like?)
(shorts, magazines, shoes! I wish I got more!)
-oh wells, hopefully shopping again next week?
okays, off to do some emailing,
-joannaseow (2.20 AM)
time has made me strong, i'm starting to move on.
i'm gonna say this now, "YOUR CHANCE HAS COME & GONE".
he said, "forever & always" -
HAPPY BELATED 17th BECCA
HAPPY 16th ELMIRA
oh yes, and i missed Amanda's (March 16) SORRYS.
HAPPY 17th AMANDA
wow, i'm so tired & seriously should start studying and doing homework.
alriighties, time to update - starting from tuesday!
TUESDAY; Woke up at 12 am, there were TONS of people at my house, it was embarassing. My hair was a mess, I was in pajamas, feeling...dead. I went to grab a bunch of fruits, then went downstairs and hid til they left! :) @ 6, my mom decides to tell me that Ian & his family were coming over, i was like...WTF, YOU TELL ME NOW? I ran to get ready, blah blah blahs. When they came, I was busy watching a bunch of shows, and my mom was bitching at me for not being social. Then, I was like, "Kay...wanna watch PCK?" and i guess they've been like away from singapore..WAY TOO LONG, they were so excited, but apparantly? Li-anne was intimidated by me. WTH..i was like ummm, why the hell is she intimidated? Dan comes up to me and says. "OHHH, she thinks you're anorexic, she thinks you're anorerexic, WHY ARE YOU ANOREXIC"...I was stunned, and was like..I'M.....not. Then, I left & hung out with Ian and my sister, we were watching a bunch of shows. My sister left, so Ian & I just watched Family Guy! :) Then, we got tired of it, and i was seriously DEAD TIRED, but they didn't leave til 1 in the morning! :(
WEDNESDAY; Woke up early as I had to go to the clinic, and it wasn't good. (I will explain after EVERYTHING). I got home, my mom invited xiu neng & his family, and some of our cousins! :) They stayed til 11, then i went straight to bed.
TODAY; Woke up, got ready real quick, went to BC Biomedical. I had to go for a blood test, THEY TOOK 4 TUBES, and let me tell you...I HAD TO FAST BEFORE IT, so i pretty much was going to pass out. Then, I had to do a breath test & I was stuck there for 30 minutes. Got home, and Ryan & Regine are here...CUTEST KIDS EVER! :) Off to the mall with irene in like 45 minutes! NEW HEELS, YAY ME!
Now, time to talk about what happened at the clinic: I have been diagnosed with having an eating disorder and they are leaning more towards...bulimia nervosa. Yes, I am a Bulimic-WHAT THE HELL. I knew I had a problem with it, but I never really thought it'd be diagnosed as bulmia, anorexia, or whatever. I never knew that it was too serious, but the doctor is taking it seriously. It's scaring me, my whole life is falling apart. What will people think of me, I don't know what to do. My head feels like it's spinning, I wanted to cry. The way the therapist, dietitian, and doctor were talking to me made me think that I was seriously going to go out of control if I don't stop. I'm scared, just please, somebody...HELP. I don't know who to talk to, because I don't want to be judged. I discussed it with Daryl, and I seriously miss that kid! He didn't go like EW or anything, he just said i needed to be positive. I just don't want to be judged, I just want people to understand, it's hard to get over this, but I want to. I'll try to get there, just
...help me?
i don't look back, still i'm dying with every step i take - Tuesday, March 17, 2009
gossip girl was on tonight, such a good episode, NO JOKE.
"you've got a good heart, give it to someone who cares" -quote from gossip girl
WHAT A QUOTE; unsympathetic and emotionless. Doesn't it just seem so cold, so distant? At times, I think that there does come a point in our lives, where we can feel as if someone is basically saying that to us. In this society, we've been taught to lie, cheat, and hurt the many people around us, to get to where we want to be. We've been taught to MANIPULATE. Has it ever occured to us that we're becoming...emotionless; we're becoming cold. We're becoming people who don't feel anything, and people that do whatever we want, to get whatever we want. I know that I have ben like that at times. I feel nothing, when I should feel sorry, when I should feel like I've done something horribly wrong, I feel nothing. It's almost as if I've become a cold hearted bitch; yes, I did just say that about myself. I do things that I should seriously reconsider doing, HOPING to hurt people, HOPING to destroy people. When I do it, I feel satisfaction. Terrible, isn't it? I feel like, moving to Canada, made me someone that I'm not. I don't even know what I have become sometimes; what happened to me? I went from being a good kid, caring for everyone around me, and being that girl who was so nice to everyone
to a Cold-hearted, harsh, anorexic...bitch. The things I've done in the past months, just makes me think I'm becoming someone I told myself I would never become. I've laughed and made fun of people straight to their faces, I've planned things that were made to humiliate people who had done nothing wrong to me-just for...fun? Sure, what I've done isn't the worst, and others have done way worse, but give it time, and I'll end up just as bad. I've come to the conclusion that it's time for me to change-though I may absolutely detest it here, there's no use taking out my anger on people around me. Time to go back to who I was before; yes, I've said that many times-but I really do want to try, even though I've failed many times. I will keep trying, and work towards it. There's no use in taking all the hatred and anger I have inside of me on everyone around me, I'll just have to pray to God, and trust that he'll get me through all this. So to all? Forgive me for my insecurities, for the bitch that I may have become, especially sorry to someone in particular. If you are telling me the truth, and if you do care, I'm sorry that I've spent so much of my time doubting you. I can't say I trust you, but I'll try to. Just so you know, sometimes, I don't think I deserve you; the fact that you're still there for me, caring for me, texting me and all that. I guess I just have been hurt too much, and I think you're going to do the same. Either way, I'm changing, hoping to be better...time for a transformation! (:
bahaha, wow i totally went off topic. i think?
& I guess Gossip Girl, actually teaches me...life lessons? lmao.
plaaylisst?
Welcome to the Heartbreak - Kanye West
Change - Taylor Swift
Cobrastyle - Robyn
With Every Heartbeat - Girls Aloud
Sweet Dreams - Beyonce
The Way I Loved You - Taylor Swift
...you can be a sweet dream,
or a beautiful NIGHTMARE.
-loves, joannaseow.
so many feelings, emotions running away with me - Monday, March 16, 2009
He could be that boy, but i'm not that girl
it snowed today...IT SNOWED; what a way to start spring break.
I woke up @ 8.30 today, realized that i had forgotten to text 2 people that i said i would text, i'm so sorry. Got to church & we were running terribly late - thanks to my dearest sister. Oh well, it was just a celebration service; filled with memberships, child dedications & baptisms. We went to lunch at Sushi Turn, and went home. I got bored, therefore...I CURLED MY HAIR! :) Left for chinese church, and bleh. Colleen thinks I'm going EMO :, NO THANKS; i just need my self confidence back.I got home and exercised & watched Princess Diaries...the first one, YES, the first one! :) I thought it was cute as hell! Anyways, it had a really cute song too, BAHAHA.
my lovely playlist @ the moment;
Marching – Paula Deanda
Not Anymore – Letoya Luckett
Emergency Room – Rihanna ft. Akon
Time to Love – Chris Brown
Miss You More – BBMak
Unstoppable – Kat Deluna
Africa – Karl Wolf
Too Pretty – State of Shock
Taking Back My Love – Enrique Iglesias
Eat You Up – BoA
Broken-hearted girl – Beyonce
What are You Waiting For – Lindsay Lohan
Desert Song – Hillsong Church
I don’t really care if some of these songs are OLD;
They are cute & amazing.
Okays, off the computer now.
Loves, JOANNA SEOW.
...i don't wanna play the broken hearted girl
I dried my eyes & I realized... - Sunday, March 15, 2009
HELLLLO, SPRiNG BREEAK.ohmygosh, i've been anticipating this break
since umm, after winter break =)
time to SLEEP, SLEEP, and um SLEEP.
since i haven't posted any real thoughts or events for awhile,
I'm gonna post an EXTREMELY long entry cause I NEED TO VENT.
It's been an extremely long, tiring, stressful, and depressing past 2 weeks. I'm in no mood to even explain too much of last week, but reading the blog entries may be able to give you an idea, but they didn't go into much detail either. What can I say, I'm going...MENTAL. So, let's start from...WEDNESDAY? =]
wednesday; I WAS UP AT 3.41..seriously, couldn't go back to sleep. Then, I was back at school, trying to look my best, though, feeling horrible on the inside. I had to catch up on all the work that I had missed, it was NOT fun. I was running from class to class looking for my teachers in the morning. Either way, interim reports were out; all G's obviously, so i was happy-as it puts me at an A or B standing, though IT BETTER BE ALL A'S. My comments were all good, til I read my Social Studies teacher's comments; she called me a PERFECTIONIST, i guess that isn't that bad. Everyone's been calling me that lately, but how the hell am I a perfectionist? My sister said that it could be a bad thing, and right now? She considers my perfectionism a bad thing. She says it could make me expect too much of myself & ...go crazy.
by: vanessa stone =) in science, bahah.
thursday; Went to starbucks in the morning, I don't know how i would've gotten through the past two weeks without it. I was @School, with no makeup on - i'm honestly EXHAUSTED. My Social Studies' teacher came up to me & needed to talk to me. She told me that I really did need to learn to relax, as she could tell that I was probably going to go crazy if I kept going on the way I'm going. Quite a few people also commented on the fact that my eyebags were becoming extremely obvious; great, just great-but, jenny said i looked pretty without makeup. BAHAHA, thanks jenny! =) We did a science quiz, and i know that i probably got 3-4 questions wrong, I was SO MAD at myself, ugghs. Gym was soccccccer =) i got to run like crazy, it was grrreaaat. I got home, and my mandarin teacher...who is a fuckin mad woman, gave us so much homework..and guess what? I HAD TO REWRITE MY LYRICS CAUSE MY PINYIN WAS ON THE BOTTOM INSTEAD OF THE TOP. i HATE my mandarin teacher-fuuck you. I was up til 11.30 doing homework, sounds like fun ehh? CONSIDERING THAT I STARTED AT hmm, let's see...4/4.30?!
I've managed to buy these magazines, and more, in a matter
of 2-3 weeks...my friends think I'm psycho. 2 SEVENTEEN MAGAZINES,
it was like the older one like 2 weeks ago, and the next week, i saw
the new one..and GOT IT! :) Waiting for the next teen vogue? & who knows.
Friday; I seriously did NOT sleep well. I went to school, and fell asleep in socials class. Social Studies' teacher had to wake me up, and told me I should really rest during spring break. Mandarin was death, so was science! Gym, was pretty good, cause running is always good for me. I went out & by the time i was home, i was dead tired & so, seriously? THANK GOD FOR SPRING BREAK.
During spring break - I will be sleeping, alot. I will be thinking, alot. I will be HOME, ALOT. Trust me, I don't plan on having a filled schedule for spring break; seriously, I can't deal with it. I will probably go shopping with Irene-cause she really wants to shop with me, maybe hang out with Naz-cause i need my best friend to talk to, and going out with Ian & Allison. Any other plans? DON'T EVEN BOTHER ME WITH THEM. I'm sorry, as introverted as i sound right now? I just need rest, I need to get out of my depressed, stressed, and almost going MENTAL state of mind. I just want to take a break of going out, stressing over what people think of me, stressing over how i look, stressing over my hair, I WANT A BREAK FROM IT; I NEED A BREAK FROM IT. So, don't mind me if I decide that I don't want to hang out with you. I already cancelled my shopping trip with Mohaddasah & Ashleen today. Any other plans? TRUST ME, THEY ARE OFFICIALLY CANCELLED! Let me rest, let me think, let me cry til i can't cry anymore, leave me be, as stupid as that sounds.
I just want to go back to Singapore...I really do.
& When I do go back next year, ALOT OF THINGS WILL BE DONE.
Believe me, I've got people I need to talk to; people I need to SCREAM at.
I'm just going out of my mind right now, I can't believe what I've said to people
-I can't believe what people have done to me, WHAT DID I DO.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME.
No, I'm not depressed over YOU, I'm actually so mad
that i EVER..EVER BELIEVED YOU.
I actually blame MYSELF for getting hurt by YOU.
FOR EVER BELIEVING YOU, FOR EVER TRUSTING YOU.
I don't know why my life has to be such a mess,
FUCK YOU, I WISH YOU'D CLEAN UP THIS FUCKIN MESS FOR ME.
but, obviously---that won't happen.
FUCK YOU, ________.
I never should've TALKED to you in Singapore,
seriously, I would be so different right now.
why. why. why. why. why.
THANKS FOR USING ME, fuckin asshole.
OH OH OH, and i think my parents are hiding fruits from me,
cause that's basically all that i'm eating lately.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i really wanna scream.
THANK GOD FOR STARBUCKS.that "the way i see it" thing? had to do with hypocrisy.
i could probably write ALOT about that right now,
but i think i'm DONE my long blog entry.
I'm kind of done venting, not totally.
but this is really helpful =)
Spencer: HAVE FUN IN EUROPE, remember to buy me tons of stuff! :)
justt kidding. have fun though! <3
Tasha: Have fun in MEXICO. You are so lucky, the sun, tanning, etc.
I ENVY YOU, but have an amazing time! <3
Nick: FLORIDA, lucky you. I absolutely think
I should get your plane ticket :) but HAVE FUN! <3
Armineh: Have a great time in Washington!!! <3
&HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUTH W.
have an amazing 16th mmkays?
loves, joannaseow.
xoxo
if you only knew the trouble she's been going through - Could you walk in her shoes? - Saturday, March 14, 2009
happy belated birthday patricia (march 12) =)
i hope it'll be amazingg!
hopefully, i'll see yoou soon.
happy birthday nicole spani!
go get your L! =)
haave a great one.
happy birthday max!
haave a good one =)
& HELLLO, SPRING BREAKK <3
will try to update when i get home.
byeees =)
i just get a bit BITCHY; that's just the way i am - Thursday, March 12, 2009
I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I wanted to be
Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me
I don't wanna be like Cinderella Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side
Don't want to depend on no one else
I'd rather rescue myself
Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart and mind
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am
Don't need nobody taking care of me
I will be there for him just as long as he will be there for me
When I give myself then it has got to be an equal thing.
cuute song, heyy? off to study, ttyls <3
serious bitching to do. - Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Comments on your ranking:»uh stop being freakin anorexic and maybe more ppl wuld think ur pretty«
Yes, someone said that about me on some random application on facebook on one of my rankings on it. It was done anoynomously, that's pretty understandable. WOW, who says that? grow up. First of all, I bet it's all based on an assumption, without you knowing any actual facts. Second of all, an eating disorder is a mental issue you idiot, it's not something that someone can just stop all of a sudden. Think before you say shit like that, and I'm sorry that's not exactly going to help my eating disorder at all, because it just lowers my fuckin self esteem. Whoever you are, you should also seriously learn how to say it to my face since you think I'd be so much prettier if i wasn't so "freakin anorexic". You say stop being anorexic-yes, because I just LOVE it that I have a fuckin eating disorder; because having an eating disorder is like my WISH (I'm being sarcastic). WOW, just grow the hell up, and watch what the hell you say. LEARN HOW TO SAY IT TO MY FACE TOO, that may help. I couldn't even reply to that comment too, what the hell, pissed the shit outta me. Maybe people should learn about stuff before writing a whole bunch of fuckin bull about someone. Yes, I'm mad.
but it's over now, go on and TAKE A BOW. -
awwes, it was an absolutely gorgeous day todaytoo bad i didn't go out, as i was stuck at home, in bed, SICK-
Well, so last night, I slept at around 10.45 & cried and just blanked out and fell asleep, I MUST HAVE BEEN VERY TIRED. I woke up at 6 this morning, and haha uhh I may have left my msn on (: Someone I seriously did not want to talk to was talking to me, ugghs. My body was aching a ton, and I felt really sick, so I went back to sleep. My daddy woke me up @8 & I just told him I really felt sick, then my mom came in & said that I should just keep sleeping. I slept..and slept..til 11 =) I seriously was in no mood for school. Stayed in bed til 12, texted Crystal & Nina to get my science test mark for me! 81/82 =) TOPPED THE CLASS, and don't think I'm crazy, but I want 82! =( anyway, I'm only at 98.4% in Science though, ugghs, I hope no one's beating me. Damn, I sound like such a nerd BAHAHAHA. No worries, I'm not, I'm just getting worried about my studies all of a sudden. Anyway, I sent someone a message that he/she seriously needed to read. Anyway, call me a bitch, but you deserved it, I really don't understand why you needed to hurt me, but either way, I'm glad we won't talk ever again. I realize I'm kicking alot of people out of my life; what can I say? I guess my trip to Singapore taught me quite a bit. Meeting someone like him, that deff taught me alot! ANYWAYYS, I should study? bahhaha or not, I think I'll go try and read a magazine, TTYLS LOVES.
come and save me`cause i've been drowning in pain-i've been hurt by his mistakes - Tuesday, March 10, 2009
i am done studying & all my homework ... finally :)
Saturday; spent all day helping my mom clean the house, i was pretty damn tired. I have been tired alot lately, I seriously doubt it's too good for my health? bahaha oh well (:
Sunday; Great sermon as usual. Mandarin church was tiring, umm it SNOWED like wtf, come on, it's daylight savings alrdy. WE'RE SUPPOSE TO BE GOING INTO SPRING! apparantly not :( Went out to dinner with Cousins (: talked to them about Singapore and blah blah. Got home, studied...i know, i'm studying alot lately.
Today; I stayed up til 1, i was...crying. I'm SICK of crying, no effin joke, just sick of it. I woke up @ 4, I do not even know why. I have insomnia, WHY :( GRRS. Went back to sleep @ 5, woke up @ 6. School...I got 23/25 on that socials project that i stayed up til 3 am doing, the one i gave up on? YEA i got 92%..kindda shocked. Mandarin Test? I TOPPED THE CLASS...i was um literally dying of laughter, so was everyone else. I mean, I finished it so fast & the teacher was being a bitch and forcing me to take it back..and yet i get 92% and top the class. I also happen to be the person everyone would not expect to actually know mandarin, bahaha oh well! =) Skipped mandarin detention, i doubt the teacher noticed. =) I didn't get my science test back, probably tmrw? Gym, was stupid, cause we played soccer..indoors.......cause of the snow. After School, hung out with Allison, we discussed like Singapore when we were suppose to be studying & watched money not enough 2 =) bahahhas. anyway, I'm really tired now, considering i wrote out those mandarin lyrics for stupid mandarin class. I'm going to bed, and who knows, cry myself to sleep again?
I HATE YOU, jerk.
you could've told me, asshole.
come and save me
cause im drowning in pain
ive been hurt by his mistakes
so come and take me away
i put him first i thought he'd stay
but he couldn't weather the storm
so he left me in the rain
over time, pictures fade
all thats left are these empty frames
sleepless nights, and stormy days
i've got proof that people change
and all thats left are these empty frames
all thats left are these empty...
can you hear these
teardrops in my pillow?
they keep falling cause i kept falling
for your dozen thorny roses
now im bleeding and im lonely again
now im hurt, it's my mistake
i should have known right away
i put him first i thought he'd stay
but he couldn't weather the storm
so he left me in the rain
do you know what it feels like - LOViNG SOMEONE, that's in a rush to throw you away - Sunday, March 8, 2009
Go ahead just leave, can't hold you, you're free
You take all these things, if they mean so much to you
I gave you your dreams, 'cause you meant the world
So did I deserve to be left here hurt
You think I don't know you're out of control
I ended up finding all of this from my Girls
Boy, you're stone cold, you say it ain't so,
You already know I'm not attached to material
I'd give it all up, but I'm takin' back my love
I'm takin' back my love
it's the world around me-it's falling apart, or maybe, i'm just falling apart. - Friday, March 6, 2009
this needs to end, it needs to end -
I'll pick myself up, I'll be better again
give it time, and I'll learn from it.
I'll be stronger because of it someday (=
So, I'm not really going to bother with who reads this, or who will find about this. It doesn't matter to me, I just hope people will learn from it & understand that this is something you'll never want for yourself. So, hmm...I have an eating disorder; have had it for awhile, but it's getting worse now. No, I'm not at the point where I'm going to get hospitalized, but it is a problem, and it's affecting me & all I want is to get better. I need help for it, and I AM GETTING HELP FOR IT. I pray that I'll get better, I pray that God will help me through this mess. My unstable emotions, my stress, my paranoia, my anxiety about everything, basically drove me to this. It's how I deal with my stress levels, it's how I deal with being upset, it's basically a drug to me at times; as scary as that sounds. I don't even know what I'm doing-I've lost myself, I don't even know what I want anymore. I'm cranky, I'm bitchy, I'm upset, I'm depressed - When I'm mad at myself, my eating disorder is my way of hurting myself. People cut themselves, People find other ways to hurt themselves, People beat themselves up mentally - I starve myself, I force myself to exercise til I think I might faint. This isn't something I do everyday, if not I'm pretty sure I'd be in the hospital right now. I have my days when I eat normally again, then whenever I'm too stressed, whenever my self confidence goes low as hell, ect...-i go again, i start again. I DON'T WANT TO, but sometimes I think my parents will only care if i have this problem, I see this as a way of getting control of my life - I see this as a way of getting what I want. I know it's wrong; why do you think I'm trying to get help? So, don't look at me, wishing that you were as skinny as me, wishing you had control like me. I'm nothing to be jealous of - I just really hope no one ever turns out the way that I have.
& TO SOMEONE; please get better, we're gonna get through it together (=
anyway, school as alright today. Socials teacher was um annoying. Mandarin was actually fun (= cause we just had to "review". Science, blah blah blah I'm behind? =) considering that i skipped yesterday. P.E. - SOCCER IS FUN! :) After school, I went to an information meeting about the e.d. program I'm going into, I hope I'll stick to it & recover! =) Now, I'm plain tired.
4 shootings, 2 fatal - yesterday.
Yes, Lower Mainland shootings.
Got an article off CTV news.
http://www.ctvbc.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20090304/BC_gang_shootings_five_090304/20090304/?hub=BritishColumbiaHome
xoxo, TTYLS.
fuck you provincials. - Thursday, March 5, 2009
PROViNCiAL RESULTS ARE OUT!
English? 83% ... yeah, it's bad, i screwed up my last essay. FUCK.
Math? 92%....WTF. seriously, wow i'm so stupid.
final grade in english: 89%..UGH.
final grade in math: 95%...
i'm gonna effin cry.
FUCK MY LIFE.
& one more thing; why am i always played for the fuckin fool?
is it honestly that much fun to fuck around & mess around with my head so much?
FUCK YOU, ALL OF YOU, NOT EVEN FUCKIN JOKING. I'M DONE -
never trusting anyone ever again, screw you.
i love you a little less than before. - Wednesday, March 4, 2009
21.5/22 inch waist? yea yea, not that skinny.
i wanna go down just a bit more =)
neeeds to lose some weight
i can't hurt you even though you hurt me- -
HAPPY 18th BiRTHDAY CHERMAINE!
i hope you'll have an ahmazing one in Austrailia,
haven't seen you in way too long, miss you.
hope we get to meet up sometime!
have a great 18th, lovess.
I'm so tired, i feel like dying, like omg, i need sleeep!
---stupid eyebags, grrrrs.
[MONDAY] Went to school after about 3-4 hours of sleep? SCHOOL-without makeup on, seriously dying of exhaustion. Then, went to starbucks to get coffee to get me through the day. Went to socials, and had like a breakdown; I was hyperventilatng & ended up crying. Thankyou Rafif for caring! (: Mandarin was um stupid, and Andrew heard all about my stupid night, and was like, "Wow you sound like a university student". I was like...ohman. Lunch, I went to study & talk to the Counsellor and hung out with Sadaf for a bit. Science, was review for the test & Gym? BLEHHHH. soccer drills, i love soccer, but not those stupid drills. Then, I got home, ended up sleeping for 4 hours, then woke up and had to do all my stupid homework. AHHHHH.
[TUESDAY] Got to school early, to do some test for gym. I had no makeup on again! :( Went to starbucks again, I think I'm gonna be needing coffee this whole effin week. Socials class, um socials project? total failure! I seriously can't bother with it anymore, I'm just too tired. MANDARIN CLASS was actually funny (: Ivan was telling me that Allison had beaten like ALL the guys in arm wrestling and i was like WTFWTF. Then, I wrestled like ONE OF HIS FINGERS..and um LOOOOST. yes, i lost to IVAN'S FINGER...and andrew's too! :( OMGOMGOMG. Lunch, I had to study for the science test & it was pretty easy. Gym, was boring, i was so tired, like no joke. After school, I got home then had to go for chinese tuition. My phone was screwed and i got like 11 text msgs all at once, like WTFWTFWTF. Now, I'm plain exhausted and planning on sleeping SUPER early todaaay! (:
& I'M SO MAD AT YOU, WTF DO YOU NOT HAVE FEELINGS? I swear, you don't even give a shit. I TRIED, to make myself still like you, but it won't work - considering your last text message. I HATE YOU & I'll play you, exactly how you played me. TRUST ME, I'll do it (: Yes, it seems cold hearted, but hey - what goes around comes around; it's just karma ;)
Ima leave you heart broken on the floor
You gonna be in the Emergency Room
I'm standing by your bed
And searching to pull out your IV
You gonna be in the Emergency Room
I'm fightin with myself
I can't hurt you even though you hurt me
You gonna be in the Emergency Room
Tryin to call a nurse but nobody can help you now
Let me see you try to live without me
Now wheres your heartbeat?
Flat line on the E-K-G
bahhaha such a good song, except one thing,
i CAN & WILL hurt you since you hurt me (:
PAYBACK'S A BITCH ;)
loves, joanna seow <3
I'll get it DONE. - Monday, March 2, 2009
I'll work my ass of til I get what I want DONE,
I'll push myself to my breaking point,
I'll push myself to the state where I can't go on anymore.
Exhaustion will not matter to me.
I'm gonna get my work done, I'll do whatever.
I'll stay up all night even if it kills me.
I don't care what happens to me, I'll deal with it.
THE TRUTH HURTS & LIES WORSE. -
So, I'm not exactly enjoying this past week at all. Emotions are basically at their breaking point, I actually may have just gone mental yesterday. It's tearing me apart, I've basically lost control of my emotions, my mind is incredibly out of control. A song that MUST be listened to? BROKEN STRINGS - JAMES MORRISON, i relate to it, A TON (: love love.
I'M LOSiNG CONTROL ... I CAN'T LOSE CONTROL.
THURSDAY; School - socials class? I WAS IN A GROUP WITH THE LIKE WORST PEOPLE IN CLASS, no joke. My teacher put me in that group, cause she thought I'd be a great leader and be able to actually make them to work ... um, NO. During Lunch, went to the mall with Jenny & Avery (: GOT FROZEN YOGURT. Skipped block 3, with Crystal & Jenny. After School, met up with Naz @NEWPORT with Jenny. It took us like an hour to find each other LOL. Then, we met up with Chelsea. Got home, SOMEONE decided to effin spazz at me over a joke...therefore, i bitched back (: like seriously. I WAS SHAKING IN ANGER, and almost fainted (seems to be happening alot lately?), i had SEVERE chest pains.
FRiDAY; SAW HER, was so ready to bitch but i threw my phone instead? oh man. Then, we worked on the project and um, got nowhere. Didn't go to last block, went to the doctor's instead because my chest pains had lasted for a week by that point. So, I'm basically low on white blood cell counts & I have too much of some enzyme in my stomach? My heart is alright though...and chest pains? yea, i have to go for more tests... I was really tired when i got home at 10, and just crashed.
SATURDAY; woke up so late & started on my PILE of homework. Stressed and SCREAMED at my parents & sister; then i started crying & my mom said sorry, and that she would talk to my teacher if i really couldn't like deal with the project. I GOT AN EXTENSION ON THE PROJECT (: , thank GOD, like ACTUALLY. I PRAYED & HE REALLY DID HELP! (: mmm, worked on homework and at lik 8, we had to practice some songs for church the next day. We didn't get much done, I ran around the kitchen and up and down the stairs, then ended like LAUGHING on the ground. I WAS HYPER & actually..like MENTAL that day, NO JOKE. I almost fainted twice too...grreat.
TODAY; woke up way too early & dying of exhaustion. HAD ICE CREAM THOUGH, yea...FAT. I can't believe I couldn't control it.
Anyway, back to hw
& OMG my sister actually takes
the most amazing pictures.
She sees things, that I can't see
as good pictures, and they turn out
AH-MAZiNG.
& here are 3 (:
these...are NOT photoshopped.
BAHAHA, you're TOO FUNNY. - Sunday, March 1, 2009
oh man, so i've taken a break from my enormous amount of homework
to blog about an interesting conversation with SOMEONE.
someone: (murmuring to himself)
me: ... uh are you talking to yourself?
someone: yes, i talk to myself. HELLO BYEBYE :)
me: OHH, i saw that fat girl with two other fat chicks
someone: whhhhhat? you consider them chicks? I CALL THEM HIPPOS.
me: (laughs, and falls to the ground (: )
me: okay posting.
someone: EH EH, DON'T LAH. omg, you guys have been bursting my bubble.
someone: omg, joanna has been defaming me, i cannot show my face anymore. So sad, lah. who should i blame? JOANNA SEOW
me & other someone: LAUGHING LIKE CRAZY (:
me: just looking at you makes me laugh now
someone: really? you wanna write that? if you write some more right? sooner or later my name will be up there. don't want people to know lah. (goes back to playing the guitar)
i have retarded conversations (:
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HELLLLO, SPRiNG BREEAK.
awwes, it was an absolutely gorgeous day today
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