- Saturday, June 27, 2009
hungover & waking up to 12 msgs.
i really dont want to respond to any of you
im really sorry...im so sick of just everything
i dont know.
- Friday, June 26, 2009
-drunk on bialeys again fml, i hate my life literahhylly its so screwed up and you just dotn care & you used to but not anyooooooooomroe fuck you.hateyousoc much
WTF. -
184 comments on one stupid status - OMG - thanks alot for the stupid non stop txt msgs to my phone cause of this, you guys.
she's got a way. - Thursday, June 25, 2009
kay first of all - i don't appreciate waking up to 17 text msgs,
28 msgs on facebook (they seriously accumulate), 5 people on msn,
and 13 notifications off facebook - WTH, IM TIRED
responding when i get home from the therapist & the dentist
make the good girls go baaad. - Wednesday, June 24, 2009
EXAMS ARE DONE;
SCHOOL'S DEFINITELY OUTsummer o9 is here - abbbssooolutttellly :)
science provincials were DONE - so here comes summer! I had to clean my room before going out & after? I went swimming with Jenny & Keireen. After, we went for well...dinnerish snack? I DO NOOOT KNOW!
Anyway, on a random note - here's something I wrote today, to...well, a certain someone.
So it's been awhile & I have definitely been meaning to talk to you about
certain things that have been going on. I've honestly been trying to talk to
you, but i guess you just won't respond. I don't exactly know
what you expect me to do or say.
You won't talk to me, yet you're talking ABOUT me. You're assuming things that
you shouldn't, telling people your assumptions WHEN YOU SHOULDN'T
-you're not getting your facts straight.
Your actions are based on your assumptions - things aren't always what they
seem, _____ ___.
I was mad before, I won't deny that fact, but did you actaully ever respond
to me after I tried to talk to you to maybe ask me if I still was? I truly
do not understand what might've drove you to actually just
saying things without thinking & without figuring out the truth.
Please learn to ask me before saying things about me.
What might make you think that I'll be going around your back talking about you?
JUST BECAUSE YOU DO IT - DOESN'T MEAN I DO IT TOO.
So, I'd definitely appreciate it if you got things right; get the facts straight.
& Let me explain: I'm not mad, I'm just confused about what
I'm suppose to do to keep this friendship.
Is it actually just gone because of one stupid situation?
If it is, then I guess that's that; if it isn't, will you respond
& explain yourself? because i'm sick of not understanding where you're
coming from. I'm sick of you saying one thing/doing one thing - but never explaining
why you say the things you say & explaining your actions.
SO LET'S GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME?
get your lies? out of MY reality. - Monday, June 22, 2009
Happy Father's Day, Daddy - I love you tons.
I already wrote a long letter to you - I hope you read it.
I love you & though we might fight & though I do tend to disrespect you
I hope you know that after all is said and done -
I would not have it any other way, I would not want any other dad
You're the best dad - always have been, always will be
These pictures have nothing to do with Father's day
-I was just lking through facebook pictures of the old me
(just look at how happy I was before this year ever came into place
-before grade 10 ever came into place, before he ever came into place
just - before my incredible amount of regrets & all of these pics, except
for the top one - were all taken in Singapore...anyone getting it yet?
& sure i wasn't "pretty" (for any of you who think i am) & sure,
I didn't have that shit load of make up on my face
-didn't have the perfect clothes, etc. etc. but who cares?
- I WAS HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, is that too much to ask for?)
& look - i've been blogging like everyday for the weekend :) why? cause i've pretty much had the laptop with me EVERYWHERE. i even blog while watching tv :) teehees
i got my own take on reality - Sunday, June 21, 2009
[so there i go drinking that extraordinary slurpee- MMMMM :)
JEALOUS? YOU SHOULD BE! ]
lmao, sorry - i just haven't drank a slurpee since last summer
i've been stuck on those frappucinos - i totally forget the absolute
sugar high that i get from lovely sluuuuuuurrrrpeeees :)
LOL, annnyyywayyyy - enough about the slurpee.
This week's pretty much been a pretty stressful week. I had the socials review sesson afterschool on Monday & WOW, I literally feel like that was like a freakin month ago, but no, it was 6 days ago! On Tuesday, I did my socials exam & was the first one out because I just couldn't stay in there - so I pretty much wrote everything down as quickly as possible & trust me, I KNEW THE ANSWERS - but, i really just didn't care - I NEEDED TO GET OUT. So, when i left - my head was killing me & I went for retail therapy! :) isn't that just a great reason for shopping? Wednesday = Biology review sessions! Thursday = Chem review sessions + Mandarin exam & once again? first one out! ;) Friday = Earth Science Review sessions + Work. & Today = Work & I just got home. haha okay - there's my quick update :) ... so apparantly allison's coming at 8.30? since when? whatever, see her then! :)
tired. fatigued. overworked. need i say more? - Saturday, June 20, 2009
oh man, i'm really tired
& you know what i've realized? that besides
like today...i haven't really blogged all that much lately.
due to studying, exercising, going out non stop, review sessions.
let's just say - mostly my studying & relaxing after the exams.
all this really leads to would be pure...fatigue.
& a crazily messy room - min. 4 bags open with things spilling out on my floor
tons of my clothes - tons of studying notes - chargers, makeup
-OHMYGOSHH MY ROOM'S A FREAKIN CRAZY MESS.
Oh, and have i mentioned that my whole body is aching & just sore?
- well it is, isn't that just perfect? - NO.
anyway, I think i should sleep, considering that I have to be up
at 8.30 ish tmrw, GOODNIGHT :)
& randomly written by me - not exactly sure if it makes sense
- might also be a little too realistic? apparantly i'm a realist - according to my sis
she'll figure it out, she'll figure it out. please, dear God, tell me that she'll figure it out. tell me that she'll get it right & move on with her life, tell me that one day she'll stop looking back at what happened & look forward and learn to be happy. to live in the moment - & even though it doesn't seem to be reality, to be living that perfect happy life. but please, Dear God - help her at least get somewhere close, because she's no where near. she's too far from it, she's the absolute opposite of it. Help her to let go, help her to be a little stronger.help her to not give up hope & help her to believe that it is possible - that moving forward, and moving on with her life is possible. Dear God, help her understand that as many mistakes as she might have made - the people out there who truly love her are still there. Dear God, that YOU are still there.help her believe in herself, help her believe that she can move on, that she can be better than the person she was before. Help her to stop hating herself for the many various reasons - move on with her life.
Dear God, help ME move on with my life
warning; -
it's been too many thoughts going through this head of mine. it's been too many things on my mind. i can't actually figure out anything anymore. it's the fact that i go out to run away from these thoughs, but when it's finally time to myself - they come rushing in. it freaks me out, it scares me terribly. i resort to temper, to shouts, to fights - i don't mean to. it's just back to where i started - what do i do? - i'm sorry.
stop right there; THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE I LOST IT - Wednesday, June 17, 2009
(I got really bored, and was exhausted &
was in no mood to finish that extra science homework
-pictures taken, yes, that happens)
I don't really know what's been happening lately; everything is pretty much blurry. My rant was totally in the moment, but i definitely think that way - well most of it. I guess some parts of the rant could totally be cut out, cause maybe they were a little too mean? I have no idea, who cares?
I had the socials exam today & bombed it. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I got 100% on my last socials test! :) & I DID NOT BOMB MY MANDARIN ORAL...i just got um, 75% LOL. I did fail my Science test though, 90%? NOT OKAY. To explain why I bombed the Socials exam? There were 90 multiple choice questions & I just got way too sick of it when I neared the middle. I just wanted to get the written done with and run out, SO - that's literally exactly what I did. After that, I went to the mall for some retail therapy. I got new Lancome mascara - IN DEEP BLACK THIS TIME! I got a new top from UB, and a new magazine & some chocs. I'm going to go read my magazine now. TTYLS!
- Monday, June 15, 2009
I definitely should be studying at this moment - but I'm looking through socials & pretty much going, WTF - I GIVE UP :( So, I'm not going to do an update, but I may as well just rant.
YOU'VE CHANGED. Yes, that's obviously how I'm going to start my amazing rant ;). I don't even know what to say about you, nor what to think of you. You probably will realize that I'm talking about you by the end of this, but I'll make sure that I leave out many details of the things you've done - or maybe, I just won't mention them at all. I will just go on and on about how I feel about the ... stupid things that you might have done & just end it off there.
You really need to understand that you can't just do whatever you want. ACTIONS HAVE THEIR CONSEQUENCES. I never realized this too much until yesterday, when I was talking to a certain someone & he pretty much told me what people thought about you. I realized that he was right, they all were right - you've changed alot; you've become a self centered...um, person. You are...how do I say this without sounding mean? an attention whore - and that was my nicest way of saying it, SORRY. The things you do (I will not mention them, no worries) just make me want to puke. The way you talk, the things you say, the way you dress, the way you throw yourself at people...IT'S HONESTLY JUST TIME TO STOP. Have a little respect for yourself every once in awhile - please & thankyou. I can't really go on, because you WILL realize fully that this is about you & no one else but you...and well, i don't need your drama. Please realize that I'm not saying this to be a huge bitch - I'm just telling the truth, because that's what everyone's saying about you. I honestly think that you're a great friend, but PLEASE..PLEASE GAIN RESPECT FOR YOURSELF. It's not that hard, is it?
P.S. - just so you know, I heard he doesn't like you.
I'M DONE.
milk & cereal ;) - Monday, June 8, 2009
sitting here @ 10.38 pm eating apple caramel pecan crunch
---some new cereal from post; it's pretty goooood :)
but, i still like banana nut crunch better.
too bad they don't have it in here..in Canada - i think.
oh well, we just drive to the states and get it there ;)
i'll never be the same. - Sunday, June 7, 2009
i'm tired, i want to sleep.i'm tired, i want to sleep.i'm tired, i want to sleep.i'm tired!
YEEES, I'M SURE YOU ALL GET THE POINT, RIGHT?
I was up @6 to get ready to go to the states to shop. We left at approx. 7 & had brunch @ the tulalip casino @ 11? WE HAD THE BUFFET :) mmmm, tons of food - but we needed it for tons of shopping! :) We went the the outlets and shopped for..6 hours? or was it 5? I'm so unclear on details! Then, we went to walmart and got a ton of junk food - then home! I know it doesn't sound like a long day, but if you were me - you'd be exhausted to. I was out from 7 in the morning til 10 at night ... try that.
shopping heaven? pretty much.
goodbye to you - Friday, June 5, 2009
therapist & i agreed -
i have to learn to accept what i've done,
what it might've caused,
how it's in the past & can't be undone.
so goodbye to the past,
I'm truly done with that
-moving forward & i won't look back.
say hello to a new day -
i'm having an amazing day today,
the weather is incredibly warm, it's burning,
& i mean, 32 degrees - but it's all good, cause i've got ice ;)
anw, people are here & i'm off to the therapist
xoxoxo, joannaseow.
we think about this, SHOULD WE OR SHOULD WE NOT? - Thursday, June 4, 2009
UPDATEE!
Saturday; I went off to Orchard Park with my family & family friends. My sister and I went for a 3 km Jog til Rocky Point, and then walked back 3 km. We ran down to the beach, and hung out there for a bit, until we left to go watch UP! It's such a cute movie; watch it if you haven't! :) We went to Aunty Serene's house for dinner after, and then we went home.
Sunday; I went to church in the morning (& get ready for some of my madness). We got home, and I started STRESSING over homework & I won't lie, I do believe I was crazy at that point. I sat down, and erased the same mandarin word - again & again, and I wouldn't stop. My sister took my eraser, my mom took my homework - I snapped. I SCREAMED NON STOP @ MY MOM & ran to the washroom. Crying, non stop - I repeated my mandarin words in my head non stop...I realized it wasn't helping & finally? decided to pray - which is prob the best decision I've made in the past few months...which is also what has been improving my week, my emotions, just everything!
Monday; I can't really...remember monday.
Tuesday; I don't really know either...but Since my homework hasn't been done in science, I'm at 85% this sem...from 96 to 85? THAT'S MADNESS. I'm getting back on track though.
Today...hm, there's not much - just a typical school day. OMG, I got 66.5/100 on that mandarin test...I DIDN'T FAIL EVEN THOUGH I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT CHINA. what else? I took a nap til 7, and I'm done homework & it's 9pm...I'M STILL TIRED. & I skipped the awards ceremony even though i got an award - & MAN THAT LANDSCAPING GUY IN OUR BACKYARD IS NOISY.
oh & nina's party on friday was fun, besides that mad spazz i got from my mom when i got home late...cause i didn't tell her i went. MY BAD!
-joannaseow.
- Tuesday, June 2, 2009
(yes...that's me @ orchard park)
(may not be the best pic, but i was
enjoying myself on the backyard swing!)
(on the street @ nina's party -loove you girls)
P.S. I MISS YOU, but it's time for me to move on. I always will miss you, but I'm gone - I promised myself a new start; a start without you. No regrets, because you were worth every minute i spent on you - but we're done now. I'll miss you, xoxo.
say goodbye. - Monday, June 1, 2009
say goodbye, say goodbye
to the way i was before -
say hello, say hello
to a new way.
that's nothing but true.
starting today
-new me, new ways.
-
(bahahas. this was taken the day after i got out of the hospital,i decided to pose with my water bottle..hmm, isn't that great?
-pleeasseeee excusee that terrible looking face.
p.s. - i miss my long hair!)
it's been an incredibly hectic weekend - filled with laughter, joy,
sadness, craziness, mental instabilities, it's just a little mental instability?
i'll blog properly when i've got the time, off to exercise.
xoxos, joannaseow.
thanks big brother <3 :) -
RE: ---here you go, good luck reading
From: Pee Feet (jawnethin@msn.com)
Sent: May 31, 2009 8:10:35 AM
To: roxy_gurl_7948@hotmail.comwow... u really shd go to new creation.
today was about God and how he gives unmerited favor and by sending his son to die on the cross you are the righteousness of God...
now devil is trying to bring you to his dark side
(I knew it! -i have been losing God)devil uses 3 S's
self-conciousness (oh man, that's for sure)self-pity (can't say I don't do that, i do it everyday)self-condemnation - i think this is where ur at now!!!!!! (yeap, you're right)so u must remember that God sent his son to die for you and you are the righteousness of God and you have unmerited favour.
am i making sense? -_- (OBVIOUSLY!)anyway... pull urself together... im sure everyone loves u... at least i do!
(thanks! - you're an amazing sibling)love ur brother,
jawnie
EXAMS ARE DONE; SCHOOL'S DEFINITELY OUT
[so there i go drinking that extraordinary slurpee- MMMMM :)
therapist & i agreed -
(yes...that's me @ orchard park)
(on the street @ nina's party -loove you girls) 
(bahahas. this was taken the day after i got out of the hospital,.bmp){kind=link}
