- Sunday, August 30, 2009

other birthday party yesterday :) & i'm incredibly burnt out.
I ended up falling asleep at like, 12.45?
waiting to see if SOMEONE would call
but NO, instead they woke me up at 1.20 in the morning :(
OH WELLLLLL ;)

---pictures will be up soon? :) ---


--ohman, don't we just look amazing? :)
ahahha, whatever.

off to church, a lunch with one of my godmas,
then Kuala Lumpurr -- byebye :)

- Saturday, August 29, 2009

PATTTTT, GO READ MY NEW POST ON MY OTHER BLOGG :) THE PRIVATEE ONE :) KAYS BYE.

- Friday, August 28, 2009

first of all, BITCH - i knew it was you, all you.

to someone else, you know you can have him right? i don't like him - i've made it clear about a billion times. no need to go behind my back or at least TRY to go behind my back to get him. you guys would be a way better couple :) afterall, i'm pretty sure i like someone else. so, go for it - alright?

-

changes. - Thursday, August 27, 2009

OOOOOKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY-
I think I'm ready, I believe that I'm ready for that change.
I have to be ready, I have to be ready -
I'VE GOT TO BE READY FOR WHAT'S COMING.
I'm going back to Canada soon & I have to change.
I'm changing myself. For better or for worse?

well, who the hell are you to judge me & my decisions, right?

I am ready to go back,
I am ready to study my dear ass off.
I'm ready to DEVOTE myself to studying
& keeping up 95+% in ALL subjects
and if I really do feel as if that's impossible,
I will allow myself to drop.
90% is the lowest I'll let myself go, any lower?
I'll be incredibly PISSED OFF.
TO BE HONEST, I HAVE A GOAL OF 98% - 100%
but I'm not sure if I'm quite that smart.

I'm ready for this change. I'm ready, ready, truly ready. I've got my huge bag of new pens & pencils ($69 worth ;] ) & a new little planner :) it's cuuute & a pretty pink! I've had my fun & now it's work time. I'm ready to get back - to work on my vocab, my mathematics, chem & bio, socials, law, ect.

I'll hit my goals, and I'll prove to everyone that I'm smart - I can get what I want when I put enough effort in. I'm not dumb, way smarter than you think. I'll have a minimal social life (but heck, who cares?) I'm done worrying about what others are thinking of me, I'm DONE with backstabbers & lying best friends. I'M DONE WITH THAT DRAMA, it's time to focus on my academics. Done with childhood, moving on to try to be a little more independent. ONE MORE THING? I think I'll cut down on my shopping trips, and move on to shopping once every couple of months...but SPLURGING ;).

So, I'm ready for this change...ARE YOU?

p.s. - FINAL DESTINATION 4 IN 3D, GORY? BUT GOOOOOOD. GO WATCH GO WATCH; more on that some other time.

-

oooohkay - my tummy looks. B-L-O-A-T-E-D
am i getting fat? crap, diet. now?

& yayy, watching final destination in 3d :) muahhahas.
dadddy already paid for ticketts ;)

shit, going to straighten hair then shopping at orchard.

p.s. I LOVE BIRTHDAYS...and the money they bring ;)

- Wednesday, August 26, 2009

- Tuesday, August 25, 2009

5 mins 5 mins 5 mins - i wanna sleep
my bro wants to go for a run with me @ 6 tmr?
huhhhh? what the shiiiits. imma diie.

-

birthday in 27 mins :):):):) sweeeet 16.

- Monday, August 24, 2009

fuck you movie theatres. I WANNA WATCH FINAL DESTINATION 4 & YOU'LL FUCKIN LET ME WATCH IT ON MY BIRTHDAY - FOR THE SNEAKS OR AT MIDNIGHT - GOT THAT? fuck it. i wanna watch it - i better get to watch it. AHHHHHHHHHHH IM GONNA EXPLODE IF THIS DOESNT GO MY WAY. fuckin tired - i dont care if i seem stupid and bitchy and spoiled right now FUCK YOU, I WANT THE MOVIE TICKETS NOW. AND NO I CANT MAKE IT FOR A FUCKIN 7 PM MOVIE ON MY FREAKIN BIRTHDAY WHEN I HAVE A FREAKIN BIRTHDAY DINNER - STUPID STUPID STUPID. SO IF THEY DONT SHOW IT ON THE 27TH AT 12 AM, IMMA BE FUCKIN PISSED.

- Sunday, August 23, 2009

my family would be so much better without me, seriously. i want to run away - they'll be happier. they'll be more of a family without me - i do nothing but cause them trouble. i'm the rude one, the one that mixes with bad company, the one who makes her own mom cry. i'm the fuckin screw up. i hate myself. everyone happy now? fuck this shit.

-

ohmygosh, i got my mani & pedi on friday - but my mani is chipping. WHAT THE HELL. I WANTED PERFECT NAILS ON MY BIRTHDAY & facebook is honestly being really gay.







MORE PICTURES COMING SOON - when facebook decides to stop being gay!

Saturday was a great day until the end! I was up @ 4.45 - IN THE MORNING, YES, IN THE FREAKIN MORNING! I was pretty much ready to go out at 6, but NO - my sister & mother were being incredibly slow & I ended up being late when it came to meeting Pat. We met @ BOTANICS & raced off to Sentosa! We walked from like one end, to the other end of the beach area :) but OMG WE HAD TO WALK ACROSS A DEAD GHOST BEACH (well actually, nah, we were just saying it was - we weren't sure). We went to ION, where we like...camwhored in the washroom! :) AREN'T WE SMART?!?! We had lunch & went off to Sephora, WHERE PAT SPENT LIKE 50 BILLION HOURS AT, lmao - she would pretty much live there if she could! OH, then we went to hm -- wisma? Then we went to cathay...TO TAKE STICKY PICS! :):) After that, we were rushed for time, soooo - we RAN into botanics, took a billion pics for like 10 minutes & ran back to the car. We went to Pat's, where we like went into the pool & took pics - but I couldn't swim, cause...well - my makeup would run & I had to go back out...so so so, yea NO. I left @ 3.20 & RACED to harbourfront station to meet my cousins as I was going to be late & I did end up late - VERY LATE. We went to Sentosa & took the Luge ride thing & I had to ride those bikes....that the person in the back could pedal on ;) since we all know - I CAN'T RIDE A GODDAMN BIKE. I think Caleb pretty much died having to ride with me screaming in the back thinking I was going to die - heheh, sorry? :) Allison left after - & it was Tim & Caleb & I left. We had dinner & walked around...I met up with Bryan - but raced off soon after when I got a text about my brother being in an accident - THANK GOD IT WASN'T ANYTHING SERIOUS, BUT HE HAD REALLY BLOODY KNEES. I'm pretty upset right now - but more about that later.

- Saturday, August 22, 2009

PPPPAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT &&&&&&&&&&&&& JJJJJJJJOOOOOOOOOOOO ---- loveyas.



pretty damn good day today! DEAD PEOPLE BEACHES, MAD ORCHARD SHOPPING, BOTANICS, PAT'S HOUSE, The Luge Ride thing, riding a bike (well sort of!), Vivo, and EXTREMELY UNPLEASANT THINGS AFTER.


p.s. - taxi driver who hit my bro, what the fuck are you thinking? YOU HAD PASSENGERS IN YOUR CAR TOO - YOU DON'T JUST FUCKIN DRIVE OFF. My brother's knees are bloody & he fractured his left leg. WATCH IT MAN, seriously.

beautiful nightmare -

SENTOSA & MAD SHOPPING WITH PAT TODAY && SENTOSA WITH ALLISON, CALEB & TIM - CAN'T WAIT!! :)

- Thursday, August 20, 2009

yesterday - was um, bullshit. At least, the night before it was & the morning of it was! Screaming fights, swearing, and well, LOADS of tears. I'll just rant all about it on my other blog :) - BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, my dad tried grounding me for a day & ungrounded me within an hour, or was it like 15 mins? IT MADE ME LAUGH! :) I went to Sentosa w/ Allison --- & we went to Orchard, and then I had to go to Grandma's for dinner!! (where i fell asleep for um, 2 hours) - I'M A TIRED PERSON.

I didn't wake up til 10 today - so I did not go to my Godma's, but I'll be going out in um, an hour? - LOL, damn that's late.

BIRTHDAY IN 6 DAYS :) I WANT AN ICE CREAM CAKE! WHERE CAN I GET A HUMONGOUS ICE CREAM CAKE...IN SINGAPORE?!

yay! excited for saturdayy :)

fuck you. - Tuesday, August 18, 2009

do NOT waste my time in trying to make plans with you, because you always can't make it in the end. at least fuckin TRY if you really want to hang out, okay? EVERY SINGLE PERSON I MAKE PLANS WITH DOES - EXCEPT YOU. It's called making an effort & I seriously HATE it when people don't. So, FUCK OFF & DO NOT ASK ME IF I CAN HANG OUT UNTIL YOU FUCKIN MAKE THE EFFORT. You'd rather others make the effort all the time, right? WELL, GUESS WHAT? I'M THE EXACT SAME - SO FUCK YOU, GUESS YOU FINALLY MET YOUR MATCH, oh and guess what? I GET MAD AS HELL. congratulations, I hope you're happy.

-

exhausted; slept through alarms, and a billion phonecalls.
what can i say? - i think my body's finally giving in.
body's finally feeling tired for being awake from
7 am - 12 midnight the next day, or later.
---------------------------fml.

- Monday, August 17, 2009

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?? HONESTLY---

First of all, ASK ME. DON'T WRITE SOME STUPID ACCUSATION IN MY HONESTY BOX. ASK ME IF I SAID IT - & I USUALLY DON'T SAY CRAP LIKE THAT UNLESS I DO NOT LIKE YOU - OR DID NOT LIKE YOU AT ONE POINT OF MY LIFE. IF I SAID CRAP LIKE THAT, I SAID IT DURING THAT POINT, NOT NOW. When people say things like - "oh, she's so ugly" I TEND TO GO, "awe, that's mean". I DON'T SAY THEY'RE UGLY. HONESTLY, WHAT THE HELL. I'M PRETTY SURE THE WORST I'VE GONE IS SAYING SOMEONE WASN'T PRETTY, BUT - WHO AM I TO JUDGE? I'M NOT PRETTY MYSELF & IF YOU'VE READ A MESSAGE WHERE I DID SAY IT? WELL, I WAS SAYING THAT THOSE PEOPLE SAY IT - I DON'T.

DAMMIT, GET IT RIGHT. I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW - GO TO HELL, BITCH.

- Sunday, August 16, 2009

OMG I MISS MY LONG HAIR SO MUCH





now, would you look what it's become?

GROW OUT FASTER

-

tired.

- Friday, August 14, 2009

haha, i have got to stop dropping the phone! BUT, it just...slips!! can't blame me :)

mm, I don't really remember what I've done! BUT OH, saturday was good :) meeting all my cousins on my daddy's side :) i miss them! :)

mmmm, sunday was church? & went to vivo with pam

I can't remember Monday.

Tuesday...um, what'd I do?...

Okay, I'm drawing a blank now. but damn, my back is aching!! :( I'm excited for SATURDAYYY! :)

- Thursday, August 13, 2009

>> joanna, said:
SAME IDEA
WTH
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. said:
HAHAHAHA YEA!!! OMGGGG COOOOL
>> joanna, said:
lol how bout we start with a condo then when we make shit loads of moneyy. we sell the condo & make sure we make a profit THENNN buy a house
HAHH
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. said:
HAHAHAH YESSS!!! A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE! OHOH OR WE CUD MOVE OVERSAES AND LVE BY THE SEA!
>> joanna, said:
i dont wanna move overseas until im really old
OHH HOUSES IN CALIFORNIA ARE GETTING CHEAPER I THINK
or at least during the recession it was
and people were buying like crazy

i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA OOOH. OKAY! hahaaha singapore we cud try newton! or tanglin hill!
>> joanna, says:
yeaa! super central places
or we cud get then to build a condo SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF ORCHARD

i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHA YEAH
OMG I LIKE THAT.
>> joanna, says:
or a housee
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
HMM WE SHOULD HAVE 2.
>> joanna, says:
SEMIDII!!
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
YESSSSS!!!!!!!
POOOL!
>> joanna, says:
MAUHAHAHA
i love our plans
we better carry this out one day mann!
it'll be the best house ever
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
yeahh we should like keep in touch
get the best architechs

>> joanna, says:
lol im posting this on my blog
..now
i'm back to tense, twitchy and depressing/depressed. says:
get people like bryan to pay
hahahahah kk

take a breath. -

I'm actually looking out my window right now, looking at all those high rise buildings & houses. I'm listening to the sounds of people honking continuously, listening to the cute little birds chirping, and hearing people shouting. It's a city life, I tell you; it's the life I want to live. I know I can be a little clustraphobic (HOWEVER YOU SPELL THAT!) at times, but honestly, this is the life I want to have. This is where I want to be. "This is home, truly"? NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT. I love Singapore with all my heart, I will move back here once my studies are done. It's a gorgeous, small little dot on the map, that will be the only place I'll ever call home.

- Wednesday, August 12, 2009

yeap, yeap, i'm mad at you. yeap, yeap, i'm being bitchy.
so what? DEAL WITH IT. I DON'T CARE, YOU PISS ME OFF? THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

on a happier note :) since i seriously am in need of happier posts: I am incredibly happy today :) I got $90 in a matter of like what? 8 hours? HAHHHHS. i win :) Thanks Gor, Mom & Aunty Karen. Although, well - my mom was suppose to give me money anyway. I think that was the only reason why I actually talked to her last night. OH WELL, happy days! :) I got 2 magazines (TEEN VOGUE & HERWORLD) & a makeup base/primer thing :) but dammn, it makes me look freaky white! oh well - tired.

- Tuesday, August 11, 2009

-

what the hell, cuase of the new template i might have to go reformat some entries. im lazy lazy lazy dont want to dontwanttooo NOOO :(

-

oh oh oh, you can comment with this new template thing. OHHH COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT! ohh fun! maybe i should remove my tagboard noww!

-

creepy...scary - it's all just that.

when i say jump - you say HOW HIGHH? -

to run, or not to run? -

Every single day, I'm forced to see it & feel this sadness within me. Every day I'm faced with overwhelming emotions of all kinds that lead straight into depression; each day I have to push past them & plaster that silly smile on my face for everyone around me to see. I sit here, forced to accept the fact that I'll never be loved in the same way that my parents love the both of them. I'm stuck here in this madness - feeling worthless. Each day I wonder where I went wrong; each day I ask myself why I turned out as such a failure. Why can't I be like those two? Their the perfect definition of dream kids, aren't they? Perfect grades, no big problems that need therapy, intelligent kids who mix with the right group of people, etc. Each day I do believe that they're just wondering, "what the hell went wrong with our last child?" God knows, I wonder what the hell went wrong with me too. Why wasn't I born...to be as smart as those two? Why wasn't I born...to have no issues? I believe, I was a mistake - am a mistake? WHATEVER. I'll never measure up to my brother or sister & I'll have to face that fact each and everyday. When I see the respect given from my parents to those two, I understand that that respect will never be given to me. When I see the love that they give those two, I know that I'll never be loved as much. When I see how well they treat them - I'll just never get that. IT'S TIME TO ACCEPT THE GODDAMN REALITY - you're never good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc.

Call me emo, depressed, whatever the hell you want to say. I'm sick of having to plaster that fuckin smile on my face - I'M SICK OF CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK OF ME. I know that honestly, deep inside me, I STILL CARE. I really do care, as a matter of fact - but I just want to shut it out. I plan on shutting it out! I don't want to, I CAN'T, listen to what everyone's got to say. I'm tired of being judged & tired of trying to meet up to everyone else's expectations. It's tiring enough having to try to meet up to my parent's expectations, but I've finally given up on that too.

So, tell me now: DO I RUN? I want to run - run away, far from home - far from my parents, my friends, and all that; JUST START OVER. Start over by myself, without the rest around, without people saying things about me, without the many that judge me. I've always wanted to run away, but I never dared. I never had it all planned out...and I still don't. I don't know where to run to...(suggestions, anyone?)

- Monday, August 10, 2009

that's exactly what you are. You're a freakin stuck up bitch that needs a reality check...hm, right about now? I HONESTLY THOUGHT YOU'D BE A LITTLE BETTER; THOUGHT THAT YOU'D CHANGED A LITTLE. Obviously, I was just wrong, wrong, and wrong - as usual. Funny how I believe that people will change, guess what, guys? LESSON LEARNED: PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE - remember that! ;) DUMB FUCKIN LITTLE BITCH, go study, OKAY?! That's what you do all the time anyway - oh right, that is...besides gossiping & saying shit about people you don't know, RIGHT? dumbfuck. I honestly HATE people like you; situations are over, don't fuckin bring them up, okay? You are YOUNGER than everyone you've started drama with, get over yourself, and stop acting like a freakin BIMBO, alright? I don't give a shit if you think you're above everyone - because...REALITY CHECK: you're NOOOOOOT! Of all things that you decide to do...you decide to piss me off, WHILE I'M IN THE SAME PLACE AS YOU? ON MY VACATION? Well, HEY - YOU REALLY WANT TO SAY SHIT? I'm ready to scream at you :) and this time, it can be face to face! :O Awee, you must be excited, right? & apparantly, you're not afraid of anyone...YAY, YOU'VE GOT GUTS :) OKAY, NOW LET'S START :) keep saying your shit, but this time - come up to me and say it, alright? :) and gladly see me EXPLODE, because I'm tired of your bullshit. I may be small, but trust me, I'VE GOT ANGER...hmm, maybe I should go for anger management classes, muahahhaha. OH, and also, you're not much larger than I am :) MUAHHAHA. OHHH, unless you're fatter? but, nahh - you're as skinny as me, I think?

Either way, the message I'm trying to get across after that long ass rant is: STOP STARTING SHIT, STOP GOSSIPING - JUST SHUT YOUR MOUTH IF NOTHING GOOD WILL COME OUT OF IT, SHUT IT - IF ALL THAT WILL COME OUT IS GOING TO BRING YOU MORE TROUBLE. OH, and you wonder why people wanted to beat you up last year? Obviously, your gossiping is pissing people off to that extent...so, watch it.

PLUSPLUSPLUSPLUSPLUS, when I did say shit about you last year, I APOLOGIZED, you see? PEOPLE get over themselves and apologize :) YOU...sort of apologized?...BUT YOU STARTED IT UP AGAIN. Oh, and when I see you? I don't appreciate you staring at me. ARE WE DONE? We better be done, I'm sick and tired of having to bitch at you/bitch about you because of how mad you make me - it's too tiring.

ohh, and my 2 posts are still only halfway done - BUT HEY, I WROTE THIS ONE :) muahaha, now everyone gets to see my hidden bitchiness - oops? :D

- Saturday, August 8, 2009

STARTED ON AUGUST 4th & finally publishing today.

This thing called life, this thing that we live - IT ISN'T FAIR. No one said it would be, and it's probably the furthest thing from fair. We don't always get what we want, nor do we always make the right choices. We screw up & choose wrong paths, wrong people, etc. It's these things, these many mistakes that make us who we are, or who we are to BECOME. Without these mistakes, these screw ups, where would we be? WHAT WOULD WE LEARN? Life would just be a breeze, and we'd just be happy all day - emotions high all the time (GOSHH, THAT'D BE AMAZING). That's not life though, and that's a reality we must accept.

So, I say that life isn't fair, and I say that we don't always get what we want...but, did I happen to mention? WE ALWAYS WANT WHAT WE CAN'T HAVE. Haven't we all realized that? Everytime someone happens to tell you that you can't have it, us as humans have the tendency to want it more - we pretty much will do whatever it takes to get it. We tend to go towards things that we're a little unsure of...(I mean, I know that's absolutely true for me: I go for what I want because I don't have it, but once I get it? I either get bored of it, or don't want it anymore) -I believe that many of us are like that. Life is honestly not an easy thing, and mistakes have been put in our paths to help us grow & learn - to make us stronger.

After I've gone on and on about this little topic, repeating myself in all of these different ways...here's what I want to say to a certain friend of mine: We all make mistakes, don't be too hard on yourself. In life, people will use us, and manipulate us - people will trick us, into believing them or into seeing things in their way. Nobody's perfect, and we're not always going to make the right choices & we can't see it now, but I truly do believe that these mistakes are made for a reason. One day, we'll figure out that reason, we'll see why we made that wrong choice, we'll understand why we went down that wrong path. After reading your blog entry - just thought you should know you're not alone when it comes to the situations, we all go through that & remember that I'm always here for you! :)

I hope you'll feel better, and I'm sure you will. Make the right choice, follow your instincts - do what you want & not what others have told you to do - that's the only way to be happy. At the same time - do not shut what others say out immediately, because there may be truth in what they say & they might just be trying to help you out & hey, those people are there for a reason too...right??

alrighties, I'm done with this entry - I've got 2 more unfinished ones (I'll have my hair appointment tmrw, just to get my fringe cutt...then I'll be home & hopefully be able to finish one - then off to my grandma's 80th birthday dinner)

- Friday, August 7, 2009

WTF i'm dam tired & on my bros itouch. I want one now...but my dad said he'll only get me a chromatic. Fuck la........at dinner at unclea marcus' eating dinner. Want to slp........fuck;

- Tuesday, August 4, 2009

i was born to fuckin win my arguments, so don't test my anger/patience, mom.
damn i sound cocky, must be because i manage to make my parents apologize...
alot of the time, awww shiites, whhhhat now??

& ohh my hair smells like green apple, MMMM.

okay, now im really hitting the sheets.
ill wake up sore, aww damn.
bye.

a new reality. - Sunday, August 2, 2009

Tuesday; went to my Godma's & went to far east with Nicollette and her friends - after that, I went for a Mani & Pedi with Aunty Karen - CHICKEN RICE FOR DINNER!

Wednesday; Godma's again - we went to prego for lunch & had like, a 5min shopping trip? LOL, helped her mark while chatting with Joshua G. & stayed there for pretty much the whole day...oh, and saw Darius.

Thursday; Godma's again...SAW ABIGAIL :) &...went off to the gym with Dana!! & Dinner with my bro & Dana

Friday; Mom arrived @ about 2 am? The whole family (besides sister - who's still in canada) was having fun shouting at each other ... and it was really funny :) we shouted/talked til 4 am. I was suppose to go over to Godma's at 7.45 to run...but i was too tired. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMOS!) Went to Orchard with Keane & Allison...mm, looked for amos' birthday present...um, some stupid stuff happened. I met up with Bryan Ong...and had to meet up with Keane again...Then, off to dinner with Shiping - WE HAD MACAROONS FOR DESSERT :) but damn they were so sweet. We walked around Orchard...

Today; I'm dead tired & dead sore.

I've been hit with a sudden depression, it has come so suddenly. I think that I've spent all my time going out & not really thinking...yesterday meet me think. TO BE HONEST, Singapore is filled with Drama - to think that I thought otherwise...I was obviously wrong. DAMN, the guys gossip & say SO much shit here. It's like...drama times 2...I thought that Singapore was this country filled with good kids who study, etc. , etc...GOD KNOWS, i was wrong - very, VERY wrong. I swear, wherever I go - drama just follows, doesn't it? Or at least, everywhere I go...I start noticing a shit load of drama - gosh, honestly _____, grow the fuck up. I have a lot more to say, especially cause of my parents too...but, I've got to get going - til next time, xoxos.

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