I dried my eyes & I realized... - Sunday, March 15, 2009

ohmygosh, i've been anticipating this break

since umm, after winter break =)

time to SLEEP, SLEEP, and um SLEEP.

since i haven't posted any real thoughts or events for awhile,

It's been an extremely long, tiring, stressful, and depressing past 2 weeks. I'm in no mood to even explain too much of last week, but reading the blog entries may be able to give you an idea, but they didn't go into much detail either. What can I say, I'm going...MENTAL. So, let's start from...WEDNESDAY? =]

wednesday; I WAS UP AT 3.41..seriously, couldn't go back to sleep. Then, I was back at school, trying to look my best, though, feeling horrible on the inside. I had to catch up on all the work that I had missed, it was NOT fun. I was running from class to class looking for my teachers in the morning. Either way, interim reports were out; all G's obviously, so i was happy-as it puts me at an A or B standing, though IT BETTER BE ALL A'S. My comments were all good, til I read my Social Studies teacher's comments; she called me a PERFECTIONIST, i guess that isn't that bad. Everyone's been calling me that lately, but how the hell am I a perfectionist? My sister said that it could be a bad thing, and right now? She considers my perfectionism a bad thing. She says it could make me expect too much of myself & ...go crazy.

thursday; Went to starbucks in the morning, I don't know how i would've gotten through the past two weeks without it. I was @School, with no makeup on - i'm honestly EXHAUSTED. My Social Studies' teacher came up to me & needed to talk to me. She told me that I really did need to learn to relax, as she could tell that I was probably going to go crazy if I kept going on the way I'm going. Quite a few people also commented on the fact that my eyebags were becoming extremely obvious; great, just great-but, jenny said i looked pretty without makeup. BAHAHA, thanks jenny! =) We did a science quiz, and i know that i probably got 3-4 questions wrong, I was SO MAD at myself, ugghs. Gym was soccccccer =) i got to run like crazy, it was grrreaaat. I got home, and my mandarin teacher...who is a fuckin mad woman, gave us so much homework..and guess what? I HAD TO REWRITE MY LYRICS CAUSE MY PINYIN WAS ON THE BOTTOM INSTEAD OF THE TOP. i HATE my mandarin teacher-fuuck you. I was up til 11.30 doing homework, sounds like fun ehh? CONSIDERING THAT I STARTED AT hmm, let's see...4/4.30?!

I've managed to buy these magazines, and more, in a matter

of 2-3 weeks...my friends think I'm psycho. 2 SEVENTEEN MAGAZINES,

it was like the older one like 2 weeks ago, and the next week, i saw

the new one..and GOT IT! :) Waiting for the next teen vogue? & who knows.

Friday; I seriously did NOT sleep well. I went to school, and fell asleep in socials class. Social Studies' teacher had to wake me up, and told me I should really rest during spring break. Mandarin was death, so was science! Gym, was pretty good, cause running is always good for me. I went out & by the time i was home, i was dead tired & so, seriously? THANK GOD FOR SPRING BREAK.

During spring break - I will be sleeping, alot. I will be thinking, alot. I will be HOME, ALOT. Trust me, I don't plan on having a filled schedule for spring break; seriously, I can't deal with it. I will probably go shopping with Irene-cause she really wants to shop with me, maybe hang out with Naz-cause i need my best friend to talk to, and going out with Ian & Allison. Any other plans? DON'T EVEN BOTHER ME WITH THEM. I'm sorry, as introverted as i sound right now? I just need rest, I need to get out of my depressed, stressed, and almost going MENTAL state of mind. I just want to take a break of going out, stressing over what people think of me, stressing over how i look, stressing over my hair, I WANT A BREAK FROM IT; I NEED A BREAK FROM IT. So, don't mind me if I decide that I don't want to hang out with you. I already cancelled my shopping trip with Mohaddasah & Ashleen today. Any other plans? TRUST ME, THEY ARE OFFICIALLY CANCELLED! Let me rest, let me think, let me cry til i can't cry anymore, leave me be, as stupid as that sounds.

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME.

No, I'm not depressed over YOU, I'm actually so mad

that i EVER..EVER BELIEVED YOU.

I actually blame MYSELF for getting hurt by YOU.

FOR EVER BELIEVING YOU, FOR EVER TRUSTING YOU.

I don't know why my life has to be such a mess,

FUCK YOU, I WISH YOU'D CLEAN UP THIS FUCKIN MESS FOR ME.

but, obviously---that won't happen.

I never should've TALKED to you in Singapore,

seriously, I would be so different right now.

why. why. why. why. why.

THANKS FOR USING ME, fuckin asshole.

OH OH OH, and i think my parents are hiding fruits from me,

cause that's basically all that i'm eating lately.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i really wanna scream.