obsession with perfection. - Monday, April 27, 2009
i've found that when i'm mad at someone, i don't find that i snap too often.
i hold it in and take it out on myself, i find ways to reason out
the fact that their ... not to blame?
when i can't, i just say it's my fault either way, doesn't matter if i can't find a reason.
& slowly i'm tearing myself apart, i'm slowly ruining myself.
why? because i do not want them to be mad,
i don't want them to be upset.
I want to please everyone, and make sure no one's unhappy.
....i guess, everyone but myself.
i'm always worrying about others & how unhappy they are.
it scares me if i think someone may be mad,
if they may be unhappy, just...anything that isn't perfect.
it's like i just want to please..and please..and please..
i want to be perfect for everyone else.
but, am i happy with myself? ... with this self, that finds a need for perfection.
i worry about everything..and it never stops, it never stops, IT JUST NEVER STOPS.
it's basically an obsession with perfection.
perfect daughter, perfect friend, perfect sister,
perfect girlfriend, perfect student, perfect worker,
perfect grades, perfect makeup, perfect hair,
perfect attitude, perfect outfit,
the list just goes on and on, it never stops.
it drives me insane,
EVERYTHING IS DRIVING ME INSANE
please, just stop.
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