"no more phoniness, no more faking it" - 90210 - Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I'm blogging at 10.42 PM when I should seriously go sleep considering that I truly am exhausted - NO, I don't plan on blogging about my day. Oh, and why is it that the ONE DAY I really just want to be left alone...people can't leave me alone. They keep talking, texting, and leaving comments on fb, SHUT UP- sorry. I'm upset, I want to cry all over again.
I just am so out of it lately, and I really wish I understood why I can't let "it" go - WHY I CAN'T LET HIM GO? Honestly, everyone I know tells me I can do so much better. It's not even that I like you...there's just something there I can't let go of. I just don't exactly understand what it is & maybe typing all my feelings out will help me figure that out.
Even you've told me that you do not understand why I like/liked you - I DON'T EITHER. What is it that actually made me like you in a matter of 3 days, and has me holding on ... after a YEAR?! WHAT KIND OF GIRL IS STUPID ENOUGH TO DO THAT? me, obviously. I can't date ANYONE & stick with it, because of you. I can't be happy...because of you. How did you end up having such an impact on me?
In case you were wondering, YES, YOU HAVE LEFT AN IMPACT ON ME. I've dated...but I push people I have considered liking away. I'm happy for moments, then I fall back down, back into confusion & ...dare I say, depression? I just don't get why you had to come into this life of mine. I was happy before you came...you made me happy for about a week, then decided to be an ass. You came back after a few months...and decided to leave again.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore & I know that I don't exactly have feelings for you at all anymore. So, please tell me...
WHY DO I STILL PUSH EVERYONE AWAY?
why am I so scared of them.
why can't I just let it go and trust them.
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