what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. - Tuesday, February 17, 2009

& SO I'M PRETTY MUCH EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE-
uhh, i pretty much cried myself to sleep last night, and my mom kept asking me why i was so upset. No, i don't plan on telling her, because i would never want to hurt my parents; but why am i upset? PRETTY MUCH BECAUSE OF MY PARENTS & ...him. I understand where my parents are coming from and why they won't let me move back to Singapore, but if it is what i want, why is it that they just won't let it happen? So, no i won't stay mad, but i am pretty much depressed about it; yees - DEPRESSED, never EVER thought i would say that about myself. Now onto HIM, seriously? I do not understand why I trusted you again after you already lost it once, seriously, I'M SUCH AN IDIOT. I've never felt like this much of a fool in my entire life & sure, you didn't break your promise...YET; it's only a matter of time. I don't like thinking & just pretty much KNOWING you don't care about me, and that everything you tell me is a lie. No, you're not going to wait, and i should've realized that so long ago. WHY AM I SUCH A FOOL, FALLING FOR EVERY LIE YOU'VE TOLD ME? i hate myself for believing you & you don't even know how much i mean that, i hate myself at this point.

SUNDAY; the sermon was about an angered heart, i really thought that message would be amazing, but it kind of wasn't, but the pastor did make many great points. EXAMPLE? "Anger turns to RESENTMENT", that's basically happening to me - me towards my dearest parents. They've managed to anger me because they made me move here, i don't really think they realize how much it's affected me. CHINESE CHURCH..was a bore. Went out for dinner with cousins & all, got home and tried to finish my homework; that was unsuccessful. I ended up thinking too much, and crying too much.

MONDAY; I wanted to skip school, but I didn't. Socials ... i got my paragraph back, i got 7/8. ughh i wish i did better. Mandarin, WE HAVE A TEST TMRW, WTF? I just found out today. When i asked my teacher what would be on it, she was like, "i'm not going to tell you again, just because you were too busy talking to ivan". WTH, yes, i was talking to Ivan...SO? Now, i'm trying to learn ... YOU COULD HELP ME, ughhhs. Lunch, I got pretty annoyed @SOMEONE, like gosh SHUT UP ALREADY. Science..Mr. Bryce, I HATE YOU. YOU REPEAT YOURSELF LIKE 50 TIMES, WHEN YOU COULD BE TEACHING US OTHER STUFF. YOU DON'T FINISH TEACHING, and you're gonna give us a test? YOU'RE AN IDIOT. Gym was mehhh, we ran, and as usual, i pretty much fainted, i hate how i almost DIE after a run, when i used to be like FIRST in class..it doesn't make sense. I came in third between the girls though, but ughh, i need to go faster. Volleyball, i was partners with Michelle & pretty much, FAILED at volleying, though michelle was good at it. Talked to Vanessa after, then got home, been studying ever since. TIME TO WATCH THE CITY NOW.

ttyls lovess.