TRUST? none. - Friday, January 16, 2009
I'm so done. DONE, DONE,and fuckin just DONE.I've realized now, you can trust NO ONE. FAMILY? now that's an exception. I'm done believing that when i tell people something that seriously CANNOT be let out, that they'll keep their mouths shut. I'm done trusting people when they say they'll always be there, helping me get through all the shit I'm going through. THAT'S JUST FUCKIN BULLSHIT. Who's there for me to check up on me when I've got a serious problem in my life? All anyone cares about is forcing me to fuckin eat. GET OVER IT, YOU MAKE ME SO MAD WHEN YOU FORCE ME TO EAT, IT'S NOT HELPING. You're making me worse. I don't need you to tell me that what I'm doing is wrong, I KNOW IT'S WRONG. Why am I telling you guys about this if I don't realize it; if I don't want help? ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS HOW MUCH IT'S HURTING YOU GUYS, has it ever occured to any of you, how much it's fuckin hurting me? MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY. YOU WON'T UNDERSTAND. Nobody's perfect, but we all have to strive for perfection, and all I want, is to stay skinny, never gain weight. Yes, how I'm doing this at this point of time, it's not right; you don't have to be a genius to figure that out. Whether I want to stop or not? That's also my decision. I WANT TO STOP, but at the same time, I don't want to. When people around me are forcing me to do something, it makes me not want to do what they're forcing me to do even more, it makes me even more upset, it makes me want to puke all over again; I've gotten worse today than I was before. To one person, you're not well, neither am I; You tell me to do something for you, but when I ask you to do something for me, DO YOU? NO, YOU TELL ME YOU CAN'T. THEN GUESS WHAT? I CAN'T EITHER, SO SUCK IT UP, ASSHOLE. Now you know how I felt, EVERY SINGLE FUCKIN TIME I TALKED TO YOU AND YOU TOLD ME HOW SAD YOU WERE. YOU'RE SICK, SO AM I, SO WHY CAN'T YOU DO THIS FOR ME? is it that fuckin hard, SERIOUSLY. You need help, and I do too. AT LEAST I REALIZE IT, you don't, you think you're fine. YOU THINK STAYING DEPRESSED FOR SO LONG IS FINE? SERIOUSLY? GET IT RIGHT. It's NOT, AND YOU NEED HELP. I'm not doing ANYTHING for you. I WON'T LET MYSELF. Until you realize you have a problem, I can't bring myself to fix mine. I just can't. What you do? IT UPSETS ME, IT CAUSES ME TO HAVE EVEN MORE OF A PROBLEM. Don't worry, you're not the only problem in my life, but you are one of the major ones; to see you like this? IT HURTS ME SO MUCH. I don't know how to handle the hurt, and you know what I result to. MY FAMILY? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, but I have no control of my problem, or maybe that's just how I feel. I DO TRY, I really do, but I feel that ever since I asked for help, you guys make me such a big deal. I DON'T HAVE THAT BIG OF A PROBLEM, it's just a small one, it's not that bad. I don't need you guys constantly looking at what I eat; I don't need you telling me to remove my hands from my tummy and to put them on the table. It hurts me to know that I've caused you guys to worry, I can't deal with it. IT DRIVES ME TO THAT! It makes me mad to know that people are trying to tell me what to do, IT MAKES ME DO IT. I'm just so done, believing in ANYONE, trusting ANYONE. I FUCKIN GIVE UP,
I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY.
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